It's officially happened. I'm officially old ;)
I never thought the day would come where you would find me in grad school, much less blogging about a topic we discussed in class. But, yes, it's happening.
Last night in my Business Ethics class we discussed Virtue Ethics, which in short, means "Be Good." And what we really discussed is that there is a big difference between doing good and being good. Doing is an activity, being is about character.
Something my professor asked all of us was, what is the first question you ask someone that you haven't seen in quite some time (the example he used was a college/high school reunion)? It's usually, how are doing? Or, what are you doing these days? Which in turn prompts responses like - I'm great, I work for XYZ, I'm married/divorced/single, I do/do not have kids, I've moved to a new city, etc. I believe we ask this question out of a rather selfish place in most instances. We want to know how we stack up.
At the risk of getting a little too personal, wouldn't a more appropriate question be - How are you being? Please, ignore the grammatical errors in that sentence. But, it's true. What we do for a living, our marital status, and where we live are simply things that often time have very little to do with who we are. Sure, having a title in a phenomenal organization is a great thing - and still a big goal of mine. However, it has little to do with what makes us tick, our actual character - the stuff most people don't like to talk about!
In all honesty, what it comes to character - the question you should ask yourself is who should I be? Not, what should I do? Character isn't something we're born with. It' something that is shaped. I take this to mean that it's something we can change. If we don't like the person that we're "being," can't we change it? Can't we work at the person we want to be and become better people every day?
And, to the point you were all waiting for, which was for me to stop lecturing and to start relating all of this to my personal life. After all - this is what I do ;)
I think back over the past several years of my life and realize that people have a very interesting perception of me. And, as they say, perception is reality. In my case, I'm in big trouble. My friends (and I love you all dearly) seem to think I'm a bitch. Joe used to refer to me as prissy and high maintenance (no wonder that didn't work out!). Cherie refers to me as strong and ambitious. And Kelley and Carlos - just don't mess around - they call me a bitch (again, I love you and am really not insulted). At one point in my life, I used to be proud of that statement. That's right, I am a bitch. People don't mess with me, I know what I want and I know how to get it. The bitchier I was on the outside, the less it hurt on the inside. The more people were intimiated or afraid to approach me, the more "power" I had.
Perhaps it's old age, perhaps it's the new location and the mentality here, and perhaps its just a new, different outlook on life - but I don't really want to be known like that anymore. Yes, I know what I want out of life. Yes, I work hard to get where I want to be. Yes, I will protect/defend my friends. Yes, I will be honest with you, even if you don't want to hear what I have to say. No, I do not want people to walk all over me or take advantage of me, but I think these things can be accomplished with out "being" a bitch. See how this all ties in - how are you being? Well, I'm tired of being a bitch.
I know some of you think you're off the hook. You're thinking - YES! She'll finally quit running her mouth and forcing her opinion on me. No such luck :) I guess it's all in the approach. It's about changing and shaping my character for the next steps in my life.
For those of you that are close to me, you know that April has been a very quiet month. On the 17th of this month, I can successfully say that I have only drank twice, have worked out 5-6 days a week, have done my homework several days before it was due (insane, I know), and gotten a solid 6-8 hours of sleep every night. Don't get me wrong, I'm busier than ever, but socially, it's been quiet. It's been good, but I'm ready for a little excitment. Doing homework on a Friday night isn't a s fun as it sounds. And having only put on heels to go to work is a sad, sad thing for a 25 year old to say, but it's all true. I've also found a new church that I have found to be pretty interesting. It's something I've said for a long time, that I wanted to find a church that actually discusses real issues that people deal with and don't condemn you for being imperfect. It's certainly been a learning experience and something I hope to continue with.
With all of this said, I CANNOT wait for next weekend when I can spend some time with my friends, drink a few beers (maybe more than a few), get allllll dressed up and girlie and socialize with people outside of my "circle." Not that I don't love my fantastic circle of friends, but I'm feeling a bit socially starved.
Whew, how did I get so off track! I was talking about being good. That's what I want. I want to be the type of person that can say what's on my mind without insulting someone. Believe it or not, this was a challenge for quite some time. Those of you that have known me for a long time, know that I've definitely softened, but still have some room to grow.
Two instances I can think of that have shown me that I'm definitely changing. One, Cherie and I got into a pretty huge fight earlier this week. This is something that rarely/never happens. I can't say that since we've reconnected about a year ago that we've disagreed so strongly about something. And wow, did she piss me off. And yes, I thought 90% of what came out of her mouth was completely wrong, but I somehow managed to apologize for upsetting her, explain to her what I was trying to accomplish, and somehow get my stubborn-ass best friend to realize that I wasn't attacking her. I was merely explaining how I felt - and that she wasn't required to agree with me, just try to understand me. It's safe to say, two or three years ago, we still wouldn't be speaking and probably wouldn't for quite some time.
Two, I've had to sadly let some people in my life go. People that I knew were exhausting more emotion/energy that I had to give them, or rather than they deserved. It's a sad thing, firing someone from your life, considering one of these people has been in my life for years and years. But, for my own mental/physical/emotional well-being, it was time to move on with good memories to smile about rather than resentment and anger. Well, a few days ago one of these people wanted to know what they had done wrong and why I'd made this choice. I knew that the answer was harsh and would likely insult this person. Instead of firing off like I wanted to, I specifically asked her if she really wanted to know, because I knew she didn't want to hear it. She insisted upon it, and I unloaded in the nicest possible way someone can deliver a rather insulting explanation. Needless to say, drama ensued. And I felt terrible about it. I felt bad for upsetting this person, for telling them something they didn't want to hear, and down right insulting them. Not something I'm used to - feeling bad for speaking my mind.
I realize at this point I'm rambling, but I couldn't help but find the coincidence in the situation. The way I'd been feeling and the things I've been doing tying directly into my lecture in class made it clear that I was on to something. And as I love to do, some challenges for my beautiful friends.
Think about how you're being, not how you're doing. Think about your character. Think about what goes through your head - and how that translates into your actions. A great question I heard posed a few weeks ago was, would you make the same choice if everyone knew about it? Who are you when no one is looking?
Interesting stuff on a Friday afternoon, I know.
I love and miss you all.
xoxoxo
rye
