The most exciting part of my life is the opportunity for every day to be a new beginning. Every day I wake up I get the opportunity to have the best day ever. What's even more exciting - is so do you.
As recently as two weeks ago, I started doing a little bit of soul searching. I love my life, I have a good job, my boyfriend is a huge pain in the ass, but he's great, I just completed my second half marathon, and have the best friends and family a girl can ask for. I mean really, what do I have to complain about?!
The short answer is nothing. I have nothing at all to complain about. But the fire in my belly says that there is more out there. There is more to my life. I had a conversation several months ago with a girlfriend of mine that ask..."Do you ever feel like you meant for something more? Something great?" And I roll that question around in my head, the short answer to that question is YES! Yes, I want more. Yes, it can get better. And yes, it will. If I want it to.
So rather than ramble on about my dating woes....being as Jason came along and ruined all of that :)...I thought I would start writing about the things I get excited about. Life. Marketing. Fitness. My friends. My family. My dreams. And the exciting journey I feel that is just beginning!
xoxo
ryann
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
Friends, how do you??
This is one of those weeks where I want nothing more but to be in Orlando @ the Park Central pool (with CJ in town from Philly) - pre everyone moving away. It's amazing how many problems and issues we solved together and there are some days where I'm convinced if we could all just get together - y'all could help me solve my problems or at least offer some sound advice on how to handle a few key situations.
Back in those days all of our problems were one way or another related to men or work....funny how some things never change! But, the situation I'm in currently is a bit different this time around. Rather than wondering why I had such horrible taste in men at that point in my life, I'm wondering what to do with the wonderful one I have now.
I remember Kelley once saying that becoming a 'we' was one of the hardest things she'd ever done. My first thought was 'seriously, is is that hard??!' and my second thought was 'ew, why would you want to do that anyway?' But here I am a few short years later completely understanding where my friend Kelley was coming from. Bringing someone new into your life truly changes your decision making process in some parts of your life.
For example, I never had to think about anyone else's schedule when figuring out my week. I'm learning now, that if I don't take his schedule into consideration when planning mine, I'll never see him. I NEVER ever thought to check with someone else before making plans. Just this week, I wanted to make dinner plans for 'us' (which is weird in and of itself) but felt the need to confirm that making those plans was okay with his plan. It sounds simple enough, but it's becoming quite the juggling act. I must say though, I truly commend those of you with children - I can only imagine how scheduling and planning works in your house.
So those are the easy parts of being a 'we.' It's not that big of a deal to pair up a schedule. It's not that hard to make sure the other person hasn't made plans before you make plans for the two of you. What I'm finding really, really hard these days is finding a balance as it relates to friendship.
I think it goes without saying that I've never been tasked with trying to figure out how to do the whole 'couple' friends thing or 'his friends' versus 'my friends' - and of course - don't forget 'our friends.' Who knew it could be such a challenge to keep it all straight - and still maintain some kind of individuality.
And to make a complicated situation completely crazy - let's trying disagreeing about friends. What do you do when you both have different opinions about people? What do you do when you're in a situation that regardless of who makes the call - you run the risk of making a semi-permanent change in the other persons' life (as it relates to the people in it)?
Believe me, I've looked at this up, down, and sideways and haven't found a solution I'm happy with. I can tell you exactly how I would handle it a situation if it was just me, if I were the only person that had to deal with the consequences. But, I can't, in good judgement, make that decision for two people. I know that somewhere out there a compromise does exist. And that there is an appopriate way to handle situations like this....but I feel as if perhaps I'm a bit too 'in the middle' of this situation to see anything other than what I want to see.
So, to my lovely friends, how do you become a 'we'? How do you learn to make decisions in the best interest of both people in mind - particularly when you disagree?
And all this time, I thought FINDING a good guy was the hard part....
In the meantime, I may spend some time today daydreaming about coolers full of beer, excessive amounts of sunscreen and tanning oil, and jamming out to a boom box in my backyard at PC....
xoxo
rye
Back in those days all of our problems were one way or another related to men or work....funny how some things never change! But, the situation I'm in currently is a bit different this time around. Rather than wondering why I had such horrible taste in men at that point in my life, I'm wondering what to do with the wonderful one I have now.
I remember Kelley once saying that becoming a 'we' was one of the hardest things she'd ever done. My first thought was 'seriously, is is that hard??!' and my second thought was 'ew, why would you want to do that anyway?' But here I am a few short years later completely understanding where my friend Kelley was coming from. Bringing someone new into your life truly changes your decision making process in some parts of your life.
For example, I never had to think about anyone else's schedule when figuring out my week. I'm learning now, that if I don't take his schedule into consideration when planning mine, I'll never see him. I NEVER ever thought to check with someone else before making plans. Just this week, I wanted to make dinner plans for 'us' (which is weird in and of itself) but felt the need to confirm that making those plans was okay with his plan. It sounds simple enough, but it's becoming quite the juggling act. I must say though, I truly commend those of you with children - I can only imagine how scheduling and planning works in your house.
So those are the easy parts of being a 'we.' It's not that big of a deal to pair up a schedule. It's not that hard to make sure the other person hasn't made plans before you make plans for the two of you. What I'm finding really, really hard these days is finding a balance as it relates to friendship.
I think it goes without saying that I've never been tasked with trying to figure out how to do the whole 'couple' friends thing or 'his friends' versus 'my friends' - and of course - don't forget 'our friends.' Who knew it could be such a challenge to keep it all straight - and still maintain some kind of individuality.
And to make a complicated situation completely crazy - let's trying disagreeing about friends. What do you do when you both have different opinions about people? What do you do when you're in a situation that regardless of who makes the call - you run the risk of making a semi-permanent change in the other persons' life (as it relates to the people in it)?
Believe me, I've looked at this up, down, and sideways and haven't found a solution I'm happy with. I can tell you exactly how I would handle it a situation if it was just me, if I were the only person that had to deal with the consequences. But, I can't, in good judgement, make that decision for two people. I know that somewhere out there a compromise does exist. And that there is an appopriate way to handle situations like this....but I feel as if perhaps I'm a bit too 'in the middle' of this situation to see anything other than what I want to see.
So, to my lovely friends, how do you become a 'we'? How do you learn to make decisions in the best interest of both people in mind - particularly when you disagree?
And all this time, I thought FINDING a good guy was the hard part....
In the meantime, I may spend some time today daydreaming about coolers full of beer, excessive amounts of sunscreen and tanning oil, and jamming out to a boom box in my backyard at PC....
xoxo
rye
Friday, February 19, 2010
Technology....
I did promise to blog every month, and I’ve struggled to nail down one topic for February’s blog. I’ve been all over the map and had a few different scenarios pop up that I would typically blog about, but didn’t know how to address them without offending anyone. Which stems a different topic – I never remember being offended so easily nor do ever recall some of my friends being so harsh (we'll save that one for another day!). With that being said, I’m going to throw a couple of different ideas for you today, and you all let me know your thoughts on each of them.
Choices
Oh, you all know how much I love this topic. So many people like to point fingers or place blame or feel sorry for themselves or just take an overall attitude of ‘it’s not my fault.’ Well, let me tell you friends – it may or may not be your fault. But the truth is – you have a choice. You have a choice on how you deal with a situation. You have a choice as to whether or not you accept responsibility for a situation or whether you waste the time and energy placing blame somewhere else.
Perhaps this idea has made me a bit….insensitive to some situations going on in my friends lives, but I’ve very much taken the attitude of ‘I’m sorry that you’re having a problem/crisis/situation. I feel terrible for you and I wish I could help. What are doing to fix the problem/crisis/situation so that it doesn’t happen again?’ If the answer is nothing – well then, I’m sorry. Next time, you’re going to have to cry to someone else.
As I’ve said a million times, without really knowing who I am quoting, is ‘the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.’ So the choice is simple – do nothing and complain to someone else. Or, do something, anything, regardless of how effective is – but make a choice that you’re going to make a change. Then, and only then, can you point a finger and say, it’s not my fault. Because you know you’ve made choices and taken steps to change the problem/crisis/situation. And at that point in time, we can crack open a bottle of wine and work through it over and over and over again until we figure it out!
Again, that may sound insensitive and on more than one occasion I’ve had to ask myself ‘does this make me a bad friend?’ But really, at this point in our lives, we all spend so much time pointing fingers and placing blame – without thinking, ‘I have a CHOICE’ as to how to handle this situation. And all we’re doing at the point in the game is perpetuating the cycle.
I warned you, I may offend a few folks today!
Facebook/Twitter/technology
We’ve all talked about the technological world that we live in today, with constant access to the internet and texting and email and twitter and who knows what else! It seems like with all of these ways to communicate that we would be better at it. But, I think it’s actually hindered our ability to communicate effectively. I honestly believe that I’m losing my ability to effectively communicate my feelings face to face, because I have the opportunity to hide behind technology. Being someone that enjoys writing and relieves stress by doing so, sending an email is way easier than actually talking a problem out.
The reason this comes to mind as of late is the two ‘arguments’ I’ve gotten into with friends over the past few weeks – neither of which did we actually exchanged a word.
First of all, Facebook is a SOCIAL networking tool. When I think social, I don’t think work. I don’t think my professional life (have you seen the photos on my fb!?) has anything to do with Facebook. Hit me up on LinkedIn if you’re interested in my profession or if you’d like to share yours with me. So when a friend hits me up on FB for something that has to do with their professional life, well, sorry friends, I’m not apt to follow. I had to stop following/being a fan of Britney Spears because I kept getting ‘notifications’ from her – so I don’t want to notifications from whatever it is you’re selling. If you’d like to sell me something or need my help with your professional life – call me/email me/ hit me up on LinkedIn – again, I’m happy to oblige.
The point (or story) I’m getting to here, is that when a friend continually requested I follow their company via FB and I jokingly said I didn’t want to – I really, really offended that person. Apparently this was ‘very important’ to them and their career, and if I was a good friend – well then, I’d know that! Well, the automated note from FB asking me to follow your company – didn’t scream – THIS IS IMPORTANT TO ME! It said, hey, my work has a FB page – wanna follow? And the answer, is no. I don’t.
Which then stemmed a nasty argument where name calling ensued, and for once, I didn’t start it! And by the end of it all I was angry and offended and hurt – and NOT ONCE did I speak to this person. Thanks technology!
Another, much more minor and completely not as dramatic situation is where a friend chose to share their dislike for something via Twitter, versus calling/emailing/texting me directly….in which case said friend was a little upset that I didn’t take her seriously. And by the time she reached out to me directly and expressed her (not joking!) opinion – well, I was already annoyed that she didn’t talk to me directly about it in the first place, and was less than sympathetic. Thanks again technology!
Two completely avoidable situations with something as simple as an ACTUAL conversation could’ve eliminated both problems. I suppose what I’m trying to say is that though technology is fabulous and it’s great to have everything you need at your fingertips is that when it comes to something that’s really important to you – perhaps that’s a CONVERSATION to be had.
Sorry friends, if I’ve offended you in either one of these topics. Please, feel free to share your thoughts and opinions, as you know I always love hearing them.
And, remember, you have a CHOICE as how you let someone else’s thoughts and words effect your day. (Wow, that sounded like a line out of a reallllyyyy bad self-help book.)
Love you guys.
Happy Friday!
Xoxo
rye
Choices
Oh, you all know how much I love this topic. So many people like to point fingers or place blame or feel sorry for themselves or just take an overall attitude of ‘it’s not my fault.’ Well, let me tell you friends – it may or may not be your fault. But the truth is – you have a choice. You have a choice on how you deal with a situation. You have a choice as to whether or not you accept responsibility for a situation or whether you waste the time and energy placing blame somewhere else.
Perhaps this idea has made me a bit….insensitive to some situations going on in my friends lives, but I’ve very much taken the attitude of ‘I’m sorry that you’re having a problem/crisis/situation. I feel terrible for you and I wish I could help. What are doing to fix the problem/crisis/situation so that it doesn’t happen again?’ If the answer is nothing – well then, I’m sorry. Next time, you’re going to have to cry to someone else.
As I’ve said a million times, without really knowing who I am quoting, is ‘the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.’ So the choice is simple – do nothing and complain to someone else. Or, do something, anything, regardless of how effective is – but make a choice that you’re going to make a change. Then, and only then, can you point a finger and say, it’s not my fault. Because you know you’ve made choices and taken steps to change the problem/crisis/situation. And at that point in time, we can crack open a bottle of wine and work through it over and over and over again until we figure it out!
Again, that may sound insensitive and on more than one occasion I’ve had to ask myself ‘does this make me a bad friend?’ But really, at this point in our lives, we all spend so much time pointing fingers and placing blame – without thinking, ‘I have a CHOICE’ as to how to handle this situation. And all we’re doing at the point in the game is perpetuating the cycle.
I warned you, I may offend a few folks today!
Facebook/Twitter/technology
We’ve all talked about the technological world that we live in today, with constant access to the internet and texting and email and twitter and who knows what else! It seems like with all of these ways to communicate that we would be better at it. But, I think it’s actually hindered our ability to communicate effectively. I honestly believe that I’m losing my ability to effectively communicate my feelings face to face, because I have the opportunity to hide behind technology. Being someone that enjoys writing and relieves stress by doing so, sending an email is way easier than actually talking a problem out.
The reason this comes to mind as of late is the two ‘arguments’ I’ve gotten into with friends over the past few weeks – neither of which did we actually exchanged a word.
First of all, Facebook is a SOCIAL networking tool. When I think social, I don’t think work. I don’t think my professional life (have you seen the photos on my fb!?) has anything to do with Facebook. Hit me up on LinkedIn if you’re interested in my profession or if you’d like to share yours with me. So when a friend hits me up on FB for something that has to do with their professional life, well, sorry friends, I’m not apt to follow. I had to stop following/being a fan of Britney Spears because I kept getting ‘notifications’ from her – so I don’t want to notifications from whatever it is you’re selling. If you’d like to sell me something or need my help with your professional life – call me/email me/ hit me up on LinkedIn – again, I’m happy to oblige.
The point (or story) I’m getting to here, is that when a friend continually requested I follow their company via FB and I jokingly said I didn’t want to – I really, really offended that person. Apparently this was ‘very important’ to them and their career, and if I was a good friend – well then, I’d know that! Well, the automated note from FB asking me to follow your company – didn’t scream – THIS IS IMPORTANT TO ME! It said, hey, my work has a FB page – wanna follow? And the answer, is no. I don’t.
Which then stemmed a nasty argument where name calling ensued, and for once, I didn’t start it! And by the end of it all I was angry and offended and hurt – and NOT ONCE did I speak to this person. Thanks technology!
Another, much more minor and completely not as dramatic situation is where a friend chose to share their dislike for something via Twitter, versus calling/emailing/texting me directly….in which case said friend was a little upset that I didn’t take her seriously. And by the time she reached out to me directly and expressed her (not joking!) opinion – well, I was already annoyed that she didn’t talk to me directly about it in the first place, and was less than sympathetic. Thanks again technology!
Two completely avoidable situations with something as simple as an ACTUAL conversation could’ve eliminated both problems. I suppose what I’m trying to say is that though technology is fabulous and it’s great to have everything you need at your fingertips is that when it comes to something that’s really important to you – perhaps that’s a CONVERSATION to be had.
Sorry friends, if I’ve offended you in either one of these topics. Please, feel free to share your thoughts and opinions, as you know I always love hearing them.
And, remember, you have a CHOICE as how you let someone else’s thoughts and words effect your day. (Wow, that sounded like a line out of a reallllyyyy bad self-help book.)
Love you guys.
Happy Friday!
Xoxo
rye
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
Reset
I hope you will be pleased to hear that one of my many goals for 2010 is to blog monthly. It’s too easy to let schedules and life and everything else get in the way, but it’s something I enjoy doing and from most of your feedback, I believe you like reading.
I often blog when I’m frustrated or things aren’t going well, so I believe it’s safe to say that the past few months have been good. To quickly catch you all up, I got a new job. I am currently working for a company called Administaff. I am a Business Consultant working with small and medium sized businesses to help alleviate the HR stress in their business and allow them to focus on what’s important, which is ultimately growing their business. It’s still very new and I often have days where I have no idea what I’m doing – but it’s a great move for me personally and professionally and I’m excited about the opportunity.
Michelle and I have decided to take on the challenge of a 12 and under national level volleyball team. The practice schedule is a bit more intense, and we’ll do a little bit more traveling than last year with our goal being JO Nationals in Reno, but they kiddos are awesome and we’re having fun watching them get better.
I’m still whining, kicking, and screaming my way through my MBA with a mere 14 months left!! This whole accounting, finance, math stuff is way out of my experience level, but I’m working on it, and doing okay!
I have also decided to add running a half marathon on April 10, 2010 to my crazy list of ‘to-do’s’. I will start my 12 week training program on January 18th, committing to 6 days a week of training and trying like hell to fit it into my volleyball schedule. I’m super nervous about it, but you all know I love a challenge!
Oh, and I met a guy. He’s pretty awesome.
But, to get to the good stuff – the reason I blog – let’s talk about life :)
I love the New Year. It’s like hitting the reset button, regardless of what’s going on in your world. For most people, its full of false resolutions and promises to lose weight and save money and be a better person. I have to say, I’ve been guilty of that many, many times. And am proud to say that as crappy at 2009 was, looking back at the goals I wrote down in January of last year – I think I have to admit that the year was better than I thought. Other than the massive dive the economy took, I stayed committed to my goals to be healthier, workout more, make new friends, expand my interests, and overall build a life for myself in Kansas City without the thought of, ‘in Orlando we used to do this….’
I hope a year from now I can look back and say the same thing about 2010. I have to admit that right now, life is pretty good. I’m sitting in my apartment in my big red fluffy robe, cuddling with Pepper, and watching bad movies while doing a great job of procrastinating my accounting homework with a raging winter storm outside. When I think about where I was a year ago and the decisions I’ve made over the last 12 months in regards to my career, my friendships and personal relationships, the great people I’ve met, the new things I’ve learned, both in school and in life, I can only look forward to 2010 with the greatest optimism.
I hope when you all reflect on 2009 and plan/prepare for 2010 that you find the positives, focus on the good things in your life, and commit yourself to making everyday better. I know it sounds super cheesy, but after fighting it for many, many years – I must admit, I am cheesy. I love the idea of pushing that reset button and feeling like the sky is the limit. Because for the beautiful people in my life, it is.
love, love, love
rye
I often blog when I’m frustrated or things aren’t going well, so I believe it’s safe to say that the past few months have been good. To quickly catch you all up, I got a new job. I am currently working for a company called Administaff. I am a Business Consultant working with small and medium sized businesses to help alleviate the HR stress in their business and allow them to focus on what’s important, which is ultimately growing their business. It’s still very new and I often have days where I have no idea what I’m doing – but it’s a great move for me personally and professionally and I’m excited about the opportunity.
Michelle and I have decided to take on the challenge of a 12 and under national level volleyball team. The practice schedule is a bit more intense, and we’ll do a little bit more traveling than last year with our goal being JO Nationals in Reno, but they kiddos are awesome and we’re having fun watching them get better.
I’m still whining, kicking, and screaming my way through my MBA with a mere 14 months left!! This whole accounting, finance, math stuff is way out of my experience level, but I’m working on it, and doing okay!
I have also decided to add running a half marathon on April 10, 2010 to my crazy list of ‘to-do’s’. I will start my 12 week training program on January 18th, committing to 6 days a week of training and trying like hell to fit it into my volleyball schedule. I’m super nervous about it, but you all know I love a challenge!
Oh, and I met a guy. He’s pretty awesome.
But, to get to the good stuff – the reason I blog – let’s talk about life :)
I love the New Year. It’s like hitting the reset button, regardless of what’s going on in your world. For most people, its full of false resolutions and promises to lose weight and save money and be a better person. I have to say, I’ve been guilty of that many, many times. And am proud to say that as crappy at 2009 was, looking back at the goals I wrote down in January of last year – I think I have to admit that the year was better than I thought. Other than the massive dive the economy took, I stayed committed to my goals to be healthier, workout more, make new friends, expand my interests, and overall build a life for myself in Kansas City without the thought of, ‘in Orlando we used to do this….’
I hope a year from now I can look back and say the same thing about 2010. I have to admit that right now, life is pretty good. I’m sitting in my apartment in my big red fluffy robe, cuddling with Pepper, and watching bad movies while doing a great job of procrastinating my accounting homework with a raging winter storm outside. When I think about where I was a year ago and the decisions I’ve made over the last 12 months in regards to my career, my friendships and personal relationships, the great people I’ve met, the new things I’ve learned, both in school and in life, I can only look forward to 2010 with the greatest optimism.
I hope when you all reflect on 2009 and plan/prepare for 2010 that you find the positives, focus on the good things in your life, and commit yourself to making everyday better. I know it sounds super cheesy, but after fighting it for many, many years – I must admit, I am cheesy. I love the idea of pushing that reset button and feeling like the sky is the limit. Because for the beautiful people in my life, it is.
love, love, love
rye
Friday, August 7, 2009
Taking a stand....
There's something to be said for taking a stand. It's a different experience, and most people tend to be afraid of it . Particularly because taking a stand often takes you completely out of your comfort zone and the choices that you're faced with aren't always the best case scenario.
On the heels of my blog about control, I finally took control of a situation and took a stand for myself. Those of you that know me well are probably laughing right now. You're probably thinking that I have no problem speaking my mind and standing up for what I believe in. However, if you look closely - it's usually taking a stand for YOU. I have no problem standing up for the people in my life. If I feel like someone is treating you poorly - I'll be the first one there for you. When it comes to myself - well, that's a whole different story.
We've had this conversation 42 times before and we'll probably have it 42 more times before I ever really figure out the answer - but what is it about women that allows us to constantly put ourself in situations that we're not okay with - and doing NOTHING to get out?! I'm not refering to a dire situation like an abusive relationship or anything like that, but the more women I talk to the more of us, I learn, have been in a situation where we weren't getting our needs met, the respect we deserve, and the happiness that we all want.
Why is it so scary to walk away from a situation that isn't what we need/want it to be? Of course, as most of my blogs do, I'm refering to relationships. Think about it - how many of us (yes, I'm refering to the beautiful women in my life) are in a situation that truly, truly makes us happy? I hope the answer is yes for all of you - but I'm willing to bet more than HALF wish they were getting something more from their current relationship. And of that HALF ...how many are doing something to change it? And I don't mean to sound like an ass here, I know that there are lot of factors that go into staying in a relationship or leaving one. And I also know NOTHING about marriage and could never begin to understand the decision making process that would go into removing yourself from an unhealthy situation there....but really, really think about it. What are you doing to change things? As I'm sure you've ALL heard me say - the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.
Though I don't believe the relationship I was in was unhealthy - I know that I wasn't happy. I simply wasn't getting what I needed/wanted from the sutation. And it was a startling thing to say that out loud. Sad, huh? To talk to my friends and say that this just wasn't working for me - well, I don't know when the last time I did that!
For so many years I just DIDN'T date and DIDN'T really let anyone that far into my life - and for the last two years have become somewhat of a "serial" dater, I really can't remember the last time I just walked away. It's particularly hard as a woman, as we tend to look for the best in people anyway. And in this particular situation, I must be honest, he really wasn't a bad guy. He wasn't mean to me. He wasn't disrespectful - he just wasn't what I needed. So I walked away. And again - for those of you super close to me - you know I don't do well with ending relationships....whether I'm calling the shots or not. It's a grieving process I'm still learning how to go through. But, I must say, that knowing I stood up for myself, knowing that I removed myself from a situation that could've very quickly spiraled out of control - well it makes that ending part A LOT less painful.
And I really can't thank you all enough for being FANTASTIC friends! The number of you that are constantly there for me still surprises me. I don't really know why - as you always have been - but it still makes me smile each time one of you reaches out and expresses your love and concern. So thank you for that.
love, love, love
xoxo
rye
On the heels of my blog about control, I finally took control of a situation and took a stand for myself. Those of you that know me well are probably laughing right now. You're probably thinking that I have no problem speaking my mind and standing up for what I believe in. However, if you look closely - it's usually taking a stand for YOU. I have no problem standing up for the people in my life. If I feel like someone is treating you poorly - I'll be the first one there for you. When it comes to myself - well, that's a whole different story.
We've had this conversation 42 times before and we'll probably have it 42 more times before I ever really figure out the answer - but what is it about women that allows us to constantly put ourself in situations that we're not okay with - and doing NOTHING to get out?! I'm not refering to a dire situation like an abusive relationship or anything like that, but the more women I talk to the more of us, I learn, have been in a situation where we weren't getting our needs met, the respect we deserve, and the happiness that we all want.
Why is it so scary to walk away from a situation that isn't what we need/want it to be? Of course, as most of my blogs do, I'm refering to relationships. Think about it - how many of us (yes, I'm refering to the beautiful women in my life) are in a situation that truly, truly makes us happy? I hope the answer is yes for all of you - but I'm willing to bet more than HALF wish they were getting something more from their current relationship. And of that HALF ...how many are doing something to change it? And I don't mean to sound like an ass here, I know that there are lot of factors that go into staying in a relationship or leaving one. And I also know NOTHING about marriage and could never begin to understand the decision making process that would go into removing yourself from an unhealthy situation there....but really, really think about it. What are you doing to change things? As I'm sure you've ALL heard me say - the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.
Though I don't believe the relationship I was in was unhealthy - I know that I wasn't happy. I simply wasn't getting what I needed/wanted from the sutation. And it was a startling thing to say that out loud. Sad, huh? To talk to my friends and say that this just wasn't working for me - well, I don't know when the last time I did that!
For so many years I just DIDN'T date and DIDN'T really let anyone that far into my life - and for the last two years have become somewhat of a "serial" dater, I really can't remember the last time I just walked away. It's particularly hard as a woman, as we tend to look for the best in people anyway. And in this particular situation, I must be honest, he really wasn't a bad guy. He wasn't mean to me. He wasn't disrespectful - he just wasn't what I needed. So I walked away. And again - for those of you super close to me - you know I don't do well with ending relationships....whether I'm calling the shots or not. It's a grieving process I'm still learning how to go through. But, I must say, that knowing I stood up for myself, knowing that I removed myself from a situation that could've very quickly spiraled out of control - well it makes that ending part A LOT less painful.
And I really can't thank you all enough for being FANTASTIC friends! The number of you that are constantly there for me still surprises me. I don't really know why - as you always have been - but it still makes me smile each time one of you reaches out and expresses your love and concern. So thank you for that.
love, love, love
xoxo
rye
Friday, July 31, 2009
Control
So it's been awhile since I've written. Of course, not because I haven't had anything to say. I guess I just haven't had the urge to share :)
I was re-reading a few of my old posts and realize at that time I was making a lot of forward momentum. I don't really think the momentum has stopped, but a few things have slipped. However, a few other things have gotten better.
It's safe to say I need to get my lazy ass back in the gym. For a solid 3-4 months I was there 4-5 times a week...sadly I've only been there 3 times in the last two weeks. Goal number 1 - get back where I was.
It's also safe to say that my world at work is ever evolving and changing. Some days are good and some days are bad. I have however gotten much better at managing the bad days and taking advantage of the good days. Goal number 2 - have more good days.
And the real reason I've chosen to share my thoughts with you all today - Goal number 3 - let go of the things I can't control. Believe it or not, I've been called a control freak once or twice in my day. I always thought of it as ambition, strength, or power. However, I'm learning it's added stress, added anxiety, and pushing people close to me away.
I know you're supposed to focus on the things you can change and not let the ones you can't get stop you from reaching your goals. I've always known this. As a commissioned sales rep, we're told that all the time. You control your income, you control how many calls you make each day, you control how many hours you put in, etc. And yes, I have control over those things.
The things I can't control - people. I shared with someone recently that some people say that you have to teach people how to treat you. I gave it some thought and don't know if I necessarily believe that this is true. I think that you have to see how someone treats you and decide if you're okay with it. I think it's fair to ask someone to treat you differently and tell someone when they hurt or upset you. But there comes a point where you have to realize that you cannot change people. You cannot "teach" them how to communicate with you.
The only thing you can change is how you deal with it. You've asked someone to do something differently. You've told them what you need and want from them. They respond in a certain way - and perhaps it's not one you're okay with. Where do you go from there?
In a control freak's world - you obsess. You constantly think and talk about how you just don't understand how someone thinks that this certain behavior is okay. You roll it over and over in your head and wonder what they hell is wrong with this other person. You write about it (yes, I know, I'm a control freak), you read books about it, you watch movies about it - and still can't figure out what you can do to make this other person understand you and do what you need them to do!
But in actuality, as I'm learning, the problem is internal. You can only ask for so much from someone. If they refuse to give you want you need/want - you have two choices. Be okay with it and learn to work with them anyway.... or move on. This is something you can control.
I know in my world that this is going to be an ongoing process for me. To let go of the control. To stop obsessing. To stop trying to change things that I personally CANNOT change. Do you know how much time and energy I spend thinking about things that are so far away from my control they may as well be on another planet? If I told you, it would make you sick.
So my goal - along with getting back in the gym and having more good days - is to stop trying to change the things I cannot control. Whether it be work, friends, relationships, etc. I can't control whether or not someone else is late. I cannot control whether or not a friend returns a phone call. I cannot control what my management team at work decides to do.
So from here forward - I need to learn to let go of control and let things happen. And then decide whether or not - I'm okay with the situation and move on accordingly....
Hmmm...strange feeling this will be easier said than done.
And since one of the many things we can control are our thoughts - decide to have a great weekend!
xoxo
rye
I was re-reading a few of my old posts and realize at that time I was making a lot of forward momentum. I don't really think the momentum has stopped, but a few things have slipped. However, a few other things have gotten better.
It's safe to say I need to get my lazy ass back in the gym. For a solid 3-4 months I was there 4-5 times a week...sadly I've only been there 3 times in the last two weeks. Goal number 1 - get back where I was.
It's also safe to say that my world at work is ever evolving and changing. Some days are good and some days are bad. I have however gotten much better at managing the bad days and taking advantage of the good days. Goal number 2 - have more good days.
And the real reason I've chosen to share my thoughts with you all today - Goal number 3 - let go of the things I can't control. Believe it or not, I've been called a control freak once or twice in my day. I always thought of it as ambition, strength, or power. However, I'm learning it's added stress, added anxiety, and pushing people close to me away.
I know you're supposed to focus on the things you can change and not let the ones you can't get stop you from reaching your goals. I've always known this. As a commissioned sales rep, we're told that all the time. You control your income, you control how many calls you make each day, you control how many hours you put in, etc. And yes, I have control over those things.
The things I can't control - people. I shared with someone recently that some people say that you have to teach people how to treat you. I gave it some thought and don't know if I necessarily believe that this is true. I think that you have to see how someone treats you and decide if you're okay with it. I think it's fair to ask someone to treat you differently and tell someone when they hurt or upset you. But there comes a point where you have to realize that you cannot change people. You cannot "teach" them how to communicate with you.
The only thing you can change is how you deal with it. You've asked someone to do something differently. You've told them what you need and want from them. They respond in a certain way - and perhaps it's not one you're okay with. Where do you go from there?
In a control freak's world - you obsess. You constantly think and talk about how you just don't understand how someone thinks that this certain behavior is okay. You roll it over and over in your head and wonder what they hell is wrong with this other person. You write about it (yes, I know, I'm a control freak), you read books about it, you watch movies about it - and still can't figure out what you can do to make this other person understand you and do what you need them to do!
But in actuality, as I'm learning, the problem is internal. You can only ask for so much from someone. If they refuse to give you want you need/want - you have two choices. Be okay with it and learn to work with them anyway.... or move on. This is something you can control.
I know in my world that this is going to be an ongoing process for me. To let go of the control. To stop obsessing. To stop trying to change things that I personally CANNOT change. Do you know how much time and energy I spend thinking about things that are so far away from my control they may as well be on another planet? If I told you, it would make you sick.
So my goal - along with getting back in the gym and having more good days - is to stop trying to change the things I cannot control. Whether it be work, friends, relationships, etc. I can't control whether or not someone else is late. I cannot control whether or not a friend returns a phone call. I cannot control what my management team at work decides to do.
So from here forward - I need to learn to let go of control and let things happen. And then decide whether or not - I'm okay with the situation and move on accordingly....
Hmmm...strange feeling this will be easier said than done.
And since one of the many things we can control are our thoughts - decide to have a great weekend!
xoxo
rye
Friday, April 17, 2009
How are you being?
It's officially happened. I'm officially old ;)
I never thought the day would come where you would find me in grad school, much less blogging about a topic we discussed in class. But, yes, it's happening.
Last night in my Business Ethics class we discussed Virtue Ethics, which in short, means "Be Good." And what we really discussed is that there is a big difference between doing good and being good. Doing is an activity, being is about character.
Something my professor asked all of us was, what is the first question you ask someone that you haven't seen in quite some time (the example he used was a college/high school reunion)? It's usually, how are doing? Or, what are you doing these days? Which in turn prompts responses like - I'm great, I work for XYZ, I'm married/divorced/single, I do/do not have kids, I've moved to a new city, etc. I believe we ask this question out of a rather selfish place in most instances. We want to know how we stack up.
At the risk of getting a little too personal, wouldn't a more appropriate question be - How are you being? Please, ignore the grammatical errors in that sentence. But, it's true. What we do for a living, our marital status, and where we live are simply things that often time have very little to do with who we are. Sure, having a title in a phenomenal organization is a great thing - and still a big goal of mine. However, it has little to do with what makes us tick, our actual character - the stuff most people don't like to talk about!
In all honesty, what it comes to character - the question you should ask yourself is who should I be? Not, what should I do? Character isn't something we're born with. It' something that is shaped. I take this to mean that it's something we can change. If we don't like the person that we're "being," can't we change it? Can't we work at the person we want to be and become better people every day?
And, to the point you were all waiting for, which was for me to stop lecturing and to start relating all of this to my personal life. After all - this is what I do ;)
I think back over the past several years of my life and realize that people have a very interesting perception of me. And, as they say, perception is reality. In my case, I'm in big trouble. My friends (and I love you all dearly) seem to think I'm a bitch. Joe used to refer to me as prissy and high maintenance (no wonder that didn't work out!). Cherie refers to me as strong and ambitious. And Kelley and Carlos - just don't mess around - they call me a bitch (again, I love you and am really not insulted). At one point in my life, I used to be proud of that statement. That's right, I am a bitch. People don't mess with me, I know what I want and I know how to get it. The bitchier I was on the outside, the less it hurt on the inside. The more people were intimiated or afraid to approach me, the more "power" I had.
Perhaps it's old age, perhaps it's the new location and the mentality here, and perhaps its just a new, different outlook on life - but I don't really want to be known like that anymore. Yes, I know what I want out of life. Yes, I work hard to get where I want to be. Yes, I will protect/defend my friends. Yes, I will be honest with you, even if you don't want to hear what I have to say. No, I do not want people to walk all over me or take advantage of me, but I think these things can be accomplished with out "being" a bitch. See how this all ties in - how are you being? Well, I'm tired of being a bitch.
I know some of you think you're off the hook. You're thinking - YES! She'll finally quit running her mouth and forcing her opinion on me. No such luck :) I guess it's all in the approach. It's about changing and shaping my character for the next steps in my life.
For those of you that are close to me, you know that April has been a very quiet month. On the 17th of this month, I can successfully say that I have only drank twice, have worked out 5-6 days a week, have done my homework several days before it was due (insane, I know), and gotten a solid 6-8 hours of sleep every night. Don't get me wrong, I'm busier than ever, but socially, it's been quiet. It's been good, but I'm ready for a little excitment. Doing homework on a Friday night isn't a s fun as it sounds. And having only put on heels to go to work is a sad, sad thing for a 25 year old to say, but it's all true. I've also found a new church that I have found to be pretty interesting. It's something I've said for a long time, that I wanted to find a church that actually discusses real issues that people deal with and don't condemn you for being imperfect. It's certainly been a learning experience and something I hope to continue with.
With all of this said, I CANNOT wait for next weekend when I can spend some time with my friends, drink a few beers (maybe more than a few), get allllll dressed up and girlie and socialize with people outside of my "circle." Not that I don't love my fantastic circle of friends, but I'm feeling a bit socially starved.
Whew, how did I get so off track! I was talking about being good. That's what I want. I want to be the type of person that can say what's on my mind without insulting someone. Believe it or not, this was a challenge for quite some time. Those of you that have known me for a long time, know that I've definitely softened, but still have some room to grow.
Two instances I can think of that have shown me that I'm definitely changing. One, Cherie and I got into a pretty huge fight earlier this week. This is something that rarely/never happens. I can't say that since we've reconnected about a year ago that we've disagreed so strongly about something. And wow, did she piss me off. And yes, I thought 90% of what came out of her mouth was completely wrong, but I somehow managed to apologize for upsetting her, explain to her what I was trying to accomplish, and somehow get my stubborn-ass best friend to realize that I wasn't attacking her. I was merely explaining how I felt - and that she wasn't required to agree with me, just try to understand me. It's safe to say, two or three years ago, we still wouldn't be speaking and probably wouldn't for quite some time.
Two, I've had to sadly let some people in my life go. People that I knew were exhausting more emotion/energy that I had to give them, or rather than they deserved. It's a sad thing, firing someone from your life, considering one of these people has been in my life for years and years. But, for my own mental/physical/emotional well-being, it was time to move on with good memories to smile about rather than resentment and anger. Well, a few days ago one of these people wanted to know what they had done wrong and why I'd made this choice. I knew that the answer was harsh and would likely insult this person. Instead of firing off like I wanted to, I specifically asked her if she really wanted to know, because I knew she didn't want to hear it. She insisted upon it, and I unloaded in the nicest possible way someone can deliver a rather insulting explanation. Needless to say, drama ensued. And I felt terrible about it. I felt bad for upsetting this person, for telling them something they didn't want to hear, and down right insulting them. Not something I'm used to - feeling bad for speaking my mind.
I realize at this point I'm rambling, but I couldn't help but find the coincidence in the situation. The way I'd been feeling and the things I've been doing tying directly into my lecture in class made it clear that I was on to something. And as I love to do, some challenges for my beautiful friends.
Think about how you're being, not how you're doing. Think about your character. Think about what goes through your head - and how that translates into your actions. A great question I heard posed a few weeks ago was, would you make the same choice if everyone knew about it? Who are you when no one is looking?
Interesting stuff on a Friday afternoon, I know.
I love and miss you all.
xoxoxo
rye
I never thought the day would come where you would find me in grad school, much less blogging about a topic we discussed in class. But, yes, it's happening.
Last night in my Business Ethics class we discussed Virtue Ethics, which in short, means "Be Good." And what we really discussed is that there is a big difference between doing good and being good. Doing is an activity, being is about character.
Something my professor asked all of us was, what is the first question you ask someone that you haven't seen in quite some time (the example he used was a college/high school reunion)? It's usually, how are doing? Or, what are you doing these days? Which in turn prompts responses like - I'm great, I work for XYZ, I'm married/divorced/single, I do/do not have kids, I've moved to a new city, etc. I believe we ask this question out of a rather selfish place in most instances. We want to know how we stack up.
At the risk of getting a little too personal, wouldn't a more appropriate question be - How are you being? Please, ignore the grammatical errors in that sentence. But, it's true. What we do for a living, our marital status, and where we live are simply things that often time have very little to do with who we are. Sure, having a title in a phenomenal organization is a great thing - and still a big goal of mine. However, it has little to do with what makes us tick, our actual character - the stuff most people don't like to talk about!
In all honesty, what it comes to character - the question you should ask yourself is who should I be? Not, what should I do? Character isn't something we're born with. It' something that is shaped. I take this to mean that it's something we can change. If we don't like the person that we're "being," can't we change it? Can't we work at the person we want to be and become better people every day?
And, to the point you were all waiting for, which was for me to stop lecturing and to start relating all of this to my personal life. After all - this is what I do ;)
I think back over the past several years of my life and realize that people have a very interesting perception of me. And, as they say, perception is reality. In my case, I'm in big trouble. My friends (and I love you all dearly) seem to think I'm a bitch. Joe used to refer to me as prissy and high maintenance (no wonder that didn't work out!). Cherie refers to me as strong and ambitious. And Kelley and Carlos - just don't mess around - they call me a bitch (again, I love you and am really not insulted). At one point in my life, I used to be proud of that statement. That's right, I am a bitch. People don't mess with me, I know what I want and I know how to get it. The bitchier I was on the outside, the less it hurt on the inside. The more people were intimiated or afraid to approach me, the more "power" I had.
Perhaps it's old age, perhaps it's the new location and the mentality here, and perhaps its just a new, different outlook on life - but I don't really want to be known like that anymore. Yes, I know what I want out of life. Yes, I work hard to get where I want to be. Yes, I will protect/defend my friends. Yes, I will be honest with you, even if you don't want to hear what I have to say. No, I do not want people to walk all over me or take advantage of me, but I think these things can be accomplished with out "being" a bitch. See how this all ties in - how are you being? Well, I'm tired of being a bitch.
I know some of you think you're off the hook. You're thinking - YES! She'll finally quit running her mouth and forcing her opinion on me. No such luck :) I guess it's all in the approach. It's about changing and shaping my character for the next steps in my life.
For those of you that are close to me, you know that April has been a very quiet month. On the 17th of this month, I can successfully say that I have only drank twice, have worked out 5-6 days a week, have done my homework several days before it was due (insane, I know), and gotten a solid 6-8 hours of sleep every night. Don't get me wrong, I'm busier than ever, but socially, it's been quiet. It's been good, but I'm ready for a little excitment. Doing homework on a Friday night isn't a s fun as it sounds. And having only put on heels to go to work is a sad, sad thing for a 25 year old to say, but it's all true. I've also found a new church that I have found to be pretty interesting. It's something I've said for a long time, that I wanted to find a church that actually discusses real issues that people deal with and don't condemn you for being imperfect. It's certainly been a learning experience and something I hope to continue with.
With all of this said, I CANNOT wait for next weekend when I can spend some time with my friends, drink a few beers (maybe more than a few), get allllll dressed up and girlie and socialize with people outside of my "circle." Not that I don't love my fantastic circle of friends, but I'm feeling a bit socially starved.
Whew, how did I get so off track! I was talking about being good. That's what I want. I want to be the type of person that can say what's on my mind without insulting someone. Believe it or not, this was a challenge for quite some time. Those of you that have known me for a long time, know that I've definitely softened, but still have some room to grow.
Two instances I can think of that have shown me that I'm definitely changing. One, Cherie and I got into a pretty huge fight earlier this week. This is something that rarely/never happens. I can't say that since we've reconnected about a year ago that we've disagreed so strongly about something. And wow, did she piss me off. And yes, I thought 90% of what came out of her mouth was completely wrong, but I somehow managed to apologize for upsetting her, explain to her what I was trying to accomplish, and somehow get my stubborn-ass best friend to realize that I wasn't attacking her. I was merely explaining how I felt - and that she wasn't required to agree with me, just try to understand me. It's safe to say, two or three years ago, we still wouldn't be speaking and probably wouldn't for quite some time.
Two, I've had to sadly let some people in my life go. People that I knew were exhausting more emotion/energy that I had to give them, or rather than they deserved. It's a sad thing, firing someone from your life, considering one of these people has been in my life for years and years. But, for my own mental/physical/emotional well-being, it was time to move on with good memories to smile about rather than resentment and anger. Well, a few days ago one of these people wanted to know what they had done wrong and why I'd made this choice. I knew that the answer was harsh and would likely insult this person. Instead of firing off like I wanted to, I specifically asked her if she really wanted to know, because I knew she didn't want to hear it. She insisted upon it, and I unloaded in the nicest possible way someone can deliver a rather insulting explanation. Needless to say, drama ensued. And I felt terrible about it. I felt bad for upsetting this person, for telling them something they didn't want to hear, and down right insulting them. Not something I'm used to - feeling bad for speaking my mind.
I realize at this point I'm rambling, but I couldn't help but find the coincidence in the situation. The way I'd been feeling and the things I've been doing tying directly into my lecture in class made it clear that I was on to something. And as I love to do, some challenges for my beautiful friends.
Think about how you're being, not how you're doing. Think about your character. Think about what goes through your head - and how that translates into your actions. A great question I heard posed a few weeks ago was, would you make the same choice if everyone knew about it? Who are you when no one is looking?
Interesting stuff on a Friday afternoon, I know.
I love and miss you all.
xoxoxo
rye
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)