You all know me and my moments of clarity. Though they're fleeting - when they happen, it's like poof - clarity. And it feels great.
It's been a very drama-free couple of weeks. As I've shared with some of you, I don't know if it's the weather, the lack of situational bullshit, or being just plain tired of it all - but it's been very good. As I near the 1 year mark in Kansas City, I can't help but be excited about what the future holds.
Here's the deal - I can look back on the long, crazy, painful road I've been down and smile. I know that everything that I've been though has led to me where I am right now. And though I know it won't be easy and painless as I move forward, at least I'm moving forward.
I can finally say, in my heart of hearts, to all of you, that I finally feel like I have some forward momentum. Work is tougher than it's ever been. Repairing a broken heart is one of the hardest thing I've ever done in my life. But when you look at the big picture, I'm 25. I'm only 25 years old. And (God willing) I have so, so much more to accomplish. I have so much more to look forward to in life. But looking back, I have to admit that I was treading water. I was standing still. I was dwelling on the past. And though it's been said that the past made us who we are today, living in it will not make a better future.
I've always had a very clear vision of my future. I've also pictured the life I would lead. And though I'm not sure if the life I once wanted is still the life I want right now, all I know is that I'm building a life. I'm making friends. I'm doing things I would've never done 6 months ago. I'm meeting people. I'm establishing a name for myself in Kansas City. It's an empowering and frightening thing all the same time. I can't completely explain - but I can tell you that I'm ready. I'm ready for the next step. I'm ready to move forward. I'm ready to embrace everything that comes my way. I'm even brave enough to say that I'm ready to face the ridiculously uphill battle that our current economic situation has put us in.
Perhaps it's not total clarity. Perhaps it doesn't make sense to all of you. But, the truth is, this is just the beginning. And I can't wait to see what the future holds. I'm learning that a lot of my blogs have a very similar theme, but as each day presents a new and different challenge, I am forced to reevaluate and look at the current situation. And though this isn't the perfect situation, it's the one I'm in. And it's one I can't control. And learning to let go of the things we can't control (at least for me) is really the hardest part.
I love all of you and couldn't do it without you. Thank you for your belief, support, and love. It's truly what gets me through each day.
love, love, love
rye
Sunday, March 29, 2009
Monday, March 9, 2009
Staying connected....
You all know by now that I fight growing and changing . Okay, maybe more changing, then growing - but you know what I'm saying. I would have never thought that I would be one of those people, but I'm learning that I truly am. My girlfriend Kelley once told me that I didn't like change unless I was the one initiating it. At the time, this was several years ago, I thought she was insane. My whole life has been about change, at least since I turned 18. But, I'm thinking, my dear friend Kelley is correct. She has knack for this kind of stuff.
I keep reminding myself that it took me a full year to feel at home in Orlando. And, I'm realizing with each passing day that brings me closer and closer to a year, that Kansas City is starting to feel like home. I'm also learning a lot about myself. I learned that I feel more than I ever thought I did. I've learned that I worry wayyyy too much about other people and not nearly enough about myself. And, I've learned that no matter how hard you try to stop change, you just can't. I have no idea who I'm quoting when I say this - but the only thing in life that is certain, is change.
In the past 10 months in Kansas City, I've met and reconnected with some pretty amazing people. I've learned that a lot of people that I may have judged in the past, are actually pretty great. However, in this journey, I've sadly lost touch with a lot of people that were an important part of my life at one time or another.
It's extremely hard for me to articulate all of this, as I'm not trying to be conceited or bitchy. I've always been known as a connector. I LOVE meeting new people, then introducing them to my current friends, and continually growing a "group." I would say it's one of the things I'm very proud of and good at. I know I've connected a lot of people that will remain friends for a very long time.
However, in all the time I've spent connecting others, I feel as if I've lost touch with those that I was once connected to. It gets harder and harder as we get older to keep in touch. Which is strange, since technology makes it so easy. You can text while you're in a meeting, you get on Facebook in a bar, and you can email from your phone. Sure, it's not the personal phone call, but it's a simple act of, "I'm thinking about you."
I must admit there are times when I literally feel guilty for not texting someone back, returning an email or a phone call, or forgetting to comment on someone's great new photo on Facebook. I know it sounds silly, but it's true. And lately, I've been really bad about doing these things. I've been spending a lot of time trying to clear the drama from my life, and in turn, have cleared a lot of the good things in my life with it.
I miss my friends. I miss learning about your lives and knowing what's going on. I hate that the fact that some of you only know what's going on in my life via my blog. I do suppose that's why I blog, but I miss that personal connection. That connection that makes me say, oh wow, I miss you. And I do miss all of my friends that don't live in Kansas City so much. I think it's safe to say some days it hurts. But somedays, I'm just too tired, worn out, or distracted to make that phone call. So, more and more time passes, then it's no longer a 10 minute conversation, and then the connection is farther and farther away. And I hate it.
I love the new things going on in all of your worlds. I love that we're all growing and changing and becoming new, better versions of ourselves. I just hate that we aren't all as connected as we once were. So, to my friends that I don't see often, I love you and miss you terribly, and would LOVE to hear your voice. To my friends here in Kansas City, I'm so glad we've met/reconnected and look forward to a fantastic summer together!
love, love, love
I keep reminding myself that it took me a full year to feel at home in Orlando. And, I'm realizing with each passing day that brings me closer and closer to a year, that Kansas City is starting to feel like home. I'm also learning a lot about myself. I learned that I feel more than I ever thought I did. I've learned that I worry wayyyy too much about other people and not nearly enough about myself. And, I've learned that no matter how hard you try to stop change, you just can't. I have no idea who I'm quoting when I say this - but the only thing in life that is certain, is change.
In the past 10 months in Kansas City, I've met and reconnected with some pretty amazing people. I've learned that a lot of people that I may have judged in the past, are actually pretty great. However, in this journey, I've sadly lost touch with a lot of people that were an important part of my life at one time or another.
It's extremely hard for me to articulate all of this, as I'm not trying to be conceited or bitchy. I've always been known as a connector. I LOVE meeting new people, then introducing them to my current friends, and continually growing a "group." I would say it's one of the things I'm very proud of and good at. I know I've connected a lot of people that will remain friends for a very long time.
However, in all the time I've spent connecting others, I feel as if I've lost touch with those that I was once connected to. It gets harder and harder as we get older to keep in touch. Which is strange, since technology makes it so easy. You can text while you're in a meeting, you get on Facebook in a bar, and you can email from your phone. Sure, it's not the personal phone call, but it's a simple act of, "I'm thinking about you."
I must admit there are times when I literally feel guilty for not texting someone back, returning an email or a phone call, or forgetting to comment on someone's great new photo on Facebook. I know it sounds silly, but it's true. And lately, I've been really bad about doing these things. I've been spending a lot of time trying to clear the drama from my life, and in turn, have cleared a lot of the good things in my life with it.
I miss my friends. I miss learning about your lives and knowing what's going on. I hate that the fact that some of you only know what's going on in my life via my blog. I do suppose that's why I blog, but I miss that personal connection. That connection that makes me say, oh wow, I miss you. And I do miss all of my friends that don't live in Kansas City so much. I think it's safe to say some days it hurts. But somedays, I'm just too tired, worn out, or distracted to make that phone call. So, more and more time passes, then it's no longer a 10 minute conversation, and then the connection is farther and farther away. And I hate it.
I love the new things going on in all of your worlds. I love that we're all growing and changing and becoming new, better versions of ourselves. I just hate that we aren't all as connected as we once were. So, to my friends that I don't see often, I love you and miss you terribly, and would LOVE to hear your voice. To my friends here in Kansas City, I'm so glad we've met/reconnected and look forward to a fantastic summer together!
love, love, love
Sunday, March 1, 2009
Don't date THIS guy....
I was unsure as to whether or not to share this story. First of all, because it's mildly embarassing and second of all, I can't believe it really happened. But, entertainment and shock value win. Grab some popcorn - this one's good!!
Needless to say - the hiatus didn't go as planned. Less than 24 hours after I made my decision to do this a certain guy decided to reappear. Me, being the idiot I am, didn't tell him to go away. So the next two weeks were crazy, dramatic, and ended with a bang!!!
Let's start at the beginning of meeting this guy. Let's call him....Jamie. That's a good name for him ;). I met him in a bar while crying over the breakup. I was out with friends trying to avoid sitting at home. Crying in your beer with friends is always better. Red flag number one, guy was hammered. But, he was from Tampa, he drove a BMW, and he bought my drinks. I gave him my number with NO expectation of hearing from him. The next day, around 9:30am as I'm sitting at my desk you can imagine my surprise to get a text from this Jamie character.
This is all pre-Christmas. He tries to make plans - but I'm not in any shape to go on a date, be charming or funny and impress someone. We must admire Jamie's persistence in all of this. He texted everyday. How are you? What's up? What do you for fun? Where are you from? Blah, blah, blah. Oh, red flag number two, guy has two kids, with two different women, in two different states. He's going to Tampa to spend Christmas with his mom and his son. But don't you worry friends - I hear from the fabulous Jamie EVERY DAY while he's in Tampa.
He returns pre-NYE but I'm not willing to share my NYE plans with some guy I don't know, so I ignore the constant ....suggestions that we spend it together. Before I get too far into the story I should point out that Jamie has mentioned to me that he used to a date a girl he worked with. Let's call her....Sara. Sara is his office manager at work, everyone warned him not date her, he did it anyway, drama ensued, it was over. I wasn't too worried about it - I wasn't looking for anything serious and I've come to the realization that we all have a past. No biggie...
New Year's Day Jamie wants me to join him at his friends house to watch football. We will call his friends Doug and Carrie. He calls and text messages alllll day. Those of you that know me know that I don't leave the house on New Year's Day. I lay on my couch all day long and love every minute of it. Red flag number three, guy has to call me on his drive home because he's had a little bit too much to drink. Awesome.
I finally agree to go for drinks with him on January 2. We got out, have fun, laugh. He's a TOTAL smart ass - which I love. He's almost as quick witted as I am and he fights with everything I say. I figure this is exactly what I need. Everyone needs a rebound guy - and this dude's perfect for it!
We make plans for the following week, I cancel on him and reschedule for the following weekend. He's got a friend in town (we'll call him Mike), but still wants to meet up. We have beers, have a great time, things are good. We hang out that whole weekend, he finally meets my sister and passes pre-approval. Next step, Cherie.
The next couple of weeks are spent watching movies, hanging out - nothing major. Just having fun. Meanwhile, he's Mr. Wonderful. He calls when he's supposed to, text messages all the time, constantly wants to hang out, just sugar sweet. And I'm loving every minute of it - I won't lie. I can't buy myself a cup of coffee with this guy around, he drives everywhere, and he likes to go do things. It's great.
He meets Cherie - passes her inspection. Totally clicks with her - laughs at her jokes and doesn't take her shit. This is huge in my world. I finally get to meet Doug and Carrie. Absolutely love them. They're funny, they're fun and just great people. This is the night that I decided that Jamie might actually fit into my world. Cherie calls me, crying. I'm at Doug and Carrie's and nowhere near her or my car. I told Jamie she was crying - and his question was - what do you need? I can take you to your car, I can take her to you. Whatever you need. I was impressed. We leave Doug and Carrie's go to the bar to meet alllll of my friends (Cherie was with them). Super fun, he's great with my friends, he loves that I have my own friends and a life here. I finally tell him about the breakup and that I'm not looking for anything serious and that I'm really trying to find my place here in KC. He's awesome about it all. I'm thinking...this is good stuff.
Following weekend is SuperBowl weekend. We go to Doug and Carrie's to plan and make lists of groceries and everything else we need. We get a ton of beer, food, and everything else. This is also the weekend of the infamous Wii Bowling tournament. Sadly, I lost. But it was still a blast. Super Bowl Sunday is great. I have my Cardinals T-Shirt that Jamie bought me. Just a killer weekend. Shan and Cherie are there, Mike's in town - good stuff again.
The whole week he's Mr. Wonderful. He knows I'm going out of town over the weekend with my girlfriends so he comes over to help Cherie and I pack and make Apple Pie. I believe it was that week that he tried to get me to talk to him about not seeing other people. He's drunk (in which case, he doesn't remember). Red flag number four - guy gets black out drunk ALL the time. I promptly blow off any serious questions while he's drunk. Before I go out of town I meet him and his friends for lunch. I get a kiss goodbye, have a good weekend.
I'm telling you, I couldn't turn around without this guy up my ass. Calls, text messages, emails, you name it. At one point, Cherie threatened to take my phone from me. I fell asleep and he called and called until Lish answered the phone. The next morning, 8a - he calls. Hey babe, how was your night. Red flag number five, he got thrown out of the bar the night before and doesn't remember why. All weekend, he's like are you coming over on Sunday? I'm like sure, we're coming home early, I'll come hang out. We made plans for around 6 or so. He calls while I'm at my Mom's and says he's got some work stuff he's gotta do and changes plans to 7:30. I leave his house that evening around 10.....and don't hear from him for 3 days.
Let me include some other background information:
Over the course of the last 6 weeks....
Cool, I'm good with that. But, you have my Britney CD and I want it back. He comes to my house, we talked, it's unproductive. But Sara calls, twice, while he's there. I don't think about it - I go to Omaha with the kids, don't hear from him, everything is good. I decide to go on my hiatus....everything is headed in the right direction.
Until Monday - when he calls and tells me he has a Bud Light with my name on it. Sadly, I'm lured by beer and a bad day and go over there. He's drunk (as usual) and apologizes for everything. He misses me. He's sorry. He's overwhelmed. He doesn't know what to do. Blah, blah, blah. I go to put his cell phone on the charger for him and notice he has a missed call, from Sara. I ask him about it - he swears he's not into her. Rye, she likes me. I can't help it. I work with her, I have to be careful how I handle all of this. She just calls sometimes when she's out with her friends. I mean, you knew we hung out, Rye. When I first moved here, I didn't have any friends and she and I hung out. Blah, blah, blah.
The rest of the week is uneventful, we go to lunch on Friday. We talk about things, sober. Nothing resolved again, he avoids eye contact, can't have a conversation without making a smart ass comment. However, the Sara story is the same. I figure at this point that things are fine. Not good, but they're fine. He stops by my office that afternoon with coffee. He calls while I'm on my way to the movies with my girlfriends, tries to get me to meet him for a drink. I say no, don't hear from him until Saturday morning. I have plans to go to Power and Light with my friends, and have invited Jamie, Doug, and Carrie. They meet us my house, we all go out - things are good. I'm on the phone with one of Jamie's co-workers telling him where we are, phone beeps, sure enough, text from Sara. Same story from Jamie. Sunday morning, Jamie's phone rings at 8:30a....guess who? Sara. At this point, I'm like really, no woman calls this often unprovoked. Jamie sticks to his story. We run errands, everything is cool, we go see his new condo, go to lunch, he asks me to spend the day with him. I say no, I'm going to take a nap I'll call you later. I call, no answer, don't hear from him.
At this point, I'm done. I fire off an email on Monday morning - listen, you're a good guy, I enjoy you - but I'm not 18 anymore and I will not be part of a situation like this. If you want to be a big boy and be honest - we're cool, otherwise, I want no part of it. I hear nothing back. Tuesday - I get a text, meet me and my boss for beers (I said no). He says he didn't get email, I resend, I don't hear from him. Things are quiet for a few days - I think it's a done deal and I'm completely cool with it- until I get an email from Sara on Friday afternoon.
Oh yes, in my work email on Friday afternoon, with a simple subject line that says "hello." I'll give Sara total credit for this one. The email was direct, it wasn't bitchy, and it was simply a girl trying to figure out why the guy she's dating is getting emails from me. Like I said, Jamie drinks a lot, and has a terrible habit of leaving his email open - both work and personal. She finds all of my emails and a few others that I won't even get into. Her email to me says that she didn't know I existed until a couple of days ago, that he told her I was just some girl, he didn't know me that well, we only hung out when we were drunk, and that I was the one into him. Basically, I'm a non-issue is what's he told her. Clearly - the emails prove otherwise.
Needless to say, email wasn't the forum to be honest with her - so I told her to call me. And to be quite honest, she's a cool chick. I told her everything - from soup to nuts. The entire story from the day I met this guy on December 18th. What we did, where we went, when I met his friends, and all of the super sweet things he used to say and do.
Here's the deal. Dude lied from GO. Everything - from the minute I told him my name was somehow laced with a lie. He told me that he and Sara were done around Thanksgiving. Lie. He told me they didn't talk or hang out anymore. Lie. He's paying child support for his kids. Lie.
The night of the Super Bowl party - he's calling her from outside. The night we watched movies when I got back from Eureka - he wasn't working - he was picking Sara up from the airport from the vacation HE PAID FOR! There are literally days that she and I probably missed each other by 20 minutes. We're both (Sara and I) amazed by all of this. I mean he snowed all of us. Sara (poor girl works with him!), myself, Cherie, Shannon, his friends. Everyone.
Beautiful thing about all of this - is even though he's caught, red handed, with evidence. He proceeds to lie. He tells Sara I'm making it all up. Everything. She's got emails with proof - and he's still lying. Better yet - after she confronts him, she leaves, he's calling me 10 minutes later to apologize. That's right - he's sorry and will I come meet him for a drink. Cause he clearly needs another one.
Whew, writing this was exhausting. I can imagine how it feels reading it. And I know what an ass I am for even getting involved past the disappearance. What's the saying? Live and Learn?!
But, yes, this is entirely a true story. This is my life. It's comical really. To be quite honest, it's Sara, Doug, Carrie, and Mike I worry about. They all had a lot more invested than I did - they've known him a lot longer! And they can't get rid of him - they work together (except Carrie). They have to deal with this drama everyday. Lucky me - I get to walk away. With a killer story. And hopefully new friends. I'd like to think that Sara and I will grab drinks together some day. Like I said, she's a cool chick. And Doug and Carrie - the coolest people you'll ever meet. Hearts of Gold. And Mike, Mike loves Jamie and he'll defend him to the death - but I'm hoping we can still chat when he comes to KC.
Good night friends....
love love love
Needless to say - the hiatus didn't go as planned. Less than 24 hours after I made my decision to do this a certain guy decided to reappear. Me, being the idiot I am, didn't tell him to go away. So the next two weeks were crazy, dramatic, and ended with a bang!!!
Let's start at the beginning of meeting this guy. Let's call him....Jamie. That's a good name for him ;). I met him in a bar while crying over the breakup. I was out with friends trying to avoid sitting at home. Crying in your beer with friends is always better. Red flag number one, guy was hammered. But, he was from Tampa, he drove a BMW, and he bought my drinks. I gave him my number with NO expectation of hearing from him. The next day, around 9:30am as I'm sitting at my desk you can imagine my surprise to get a text from this Jamie character.
This is all pre-Christmas. He tries to make plans - but I'm not in any shape to go on a date, be charming or funny and impress someone. We must admire Jamie's persistence in all of this. He texted everyday. How are you? What's up? What do you for fun? Where are you from? Blah, blah, blah. Oh, red flag number two, guy has two kids, with two different women, in two different states. He's going to Tampa to spend Christmas with his mom and his son. But don't you worry friends - I hear from the fabulous Jamie EVERY DAY while he's in Tampa.
He returns pre-NYE but I'm not willing to share my NYE plans with some guy I don't know, so I ignore the constant ....suggestions that we spend it together. Before I get too far into the story I should point out that Jamie has mentioned to me that he used to a date a girl he worked with. Let's call her....Sara. Sara is his office manager at work, everyone warned him not date her, he did it anyway, drama ensued, it was over. I wasn't too worried about it - I wasn't looking for anything serious and I've come to the realization that we all have a past. No biggie...
New Year's Day Jamie wants me to join him at his friends house to watch football. We will call his friends Doug and Carrie. He calls and text messages alllll day. Those of you that know me know that I don't leave the house on New Year's Day. I lay on my couch all day long and love every minute of it. Red flag number three, guy has to call me on his drive home because he's had a little bit too much to drink. Awesome.
I finally agree to go for drinks with him on January 2. We got out, have fun, laugh. He's a TOTAL smart ass - which I love. He's almost as quick witted as I am and he fights with everything I say. I figure this is exactly what I need. Everyone needs a rebound guy - and this dude's perfect for it!
We make plans for the following week, I cancel on him and reschedule for the following weekend. He's got a friend in town (we'll call him Mike), but still wants to meet up. We have beers, have a great time, things are good. We hang out that whole weekend, he finally meets my sister and passes pre-approval. Next step, Cherie.
The next couple of weeks are spent watching movies, hanging out - nothing major. Just having fun. Meanwhile, he's Mr. Wonderful. He calls when he's supposed to, text messages all the time, constantly wants to hang out, just sugar sweet. And I'm loving every minute of it - I won't lie. I can't buy myself a cup of coffee with this guy around, he drives everywhere, and he likes to go do things. It's great.
He meets Cherie - passes her inspection. Totally clicks with her - laughs at her jokes and doesn't take her shit. This is huge in my world. I finally get to meet Doug and Carrie. Absolutely love them. They're funny, they're fun and just great people. This is the night that I decided that Jamie might actually fit into my world. Cherie calls me, crying. I'm at Doug and Carrie's and nowhere near her or my car. I told Jamie she was crying - and his question was - what do you need? I can take you to your car, I can take her to you. Whatever you need. I was impressed. We leave Doug and Carrie's go to the bar to meet alllll of my friends (Cherie was with them). Super fun, he's great with my friends, he loves that I have my own friends and a life here. I finally tell him about the breakup and that I'm not looking for anything serious and that I'm really trying to find my place here in KC. He's awesome about it all. I'm thinking...this is good stuff.
Following weekend is SuperBowl weekend. We go to Doug and Carrie's to plan and make lists of groceries and everything else we need. We get a ton of beer, food, and everything else. This is also the weekend of the infamous Wii Bowling tournament. Sadly, I lost. But it was still a blast. Super Bowl Sunday is great. I have my Cardinals T-Shirt that Jamie bought me. Just a killer weekend. Shan and Cherie are there, Mike's in town - good stuff again.
The whole week he's Mr. Wonderful. He knows I'm going out of town over the weekend with my girlfriends so he comes over to help Cherie and I pack and make Apple Pie. I believe it was that week that he tried to get me to talk to him about not seeing other people. He's drunk (in which case, he doesn't remember). Red flag number four - guy gets black out drunk ALL the time. I promptly blow off any serious questions while he's drunk. Before I go out of town I meet him and his friends for lunch. I get a kiss goodbye, have a good weekend.
I'm telling you, I couldn't turn around without this guy up my ass. Calls, text messages, emails, you name it. At one point, Cherie threatened to take my phone from me. I fell asleep and he called and called until Lish answered the phone. The next morning, 8a - he calls. Hey babe, how was your night. Red flag number five, he got thrown out of the bar the night before and doesn't remember why. All weekend, he's like are you coming over on Sunday? I'm like sure, we're coming home early, I'll come hang out. We made plans for around 6 or so. He calls while I'm at my Mom's and says he's got some work stuff he's gotta do and changes plans to 7:30. I leave his house that evening around 10.....and don't hear from him for 3 days.
Let me include some other background information:
Over the course of the last 6 weeks....
He's tried to give me his free plane ticket so we can go to Florida and see our friends.
He's tried to get me to commit to a trip to Chicago in June.
The race in Daytona in July.
Birthday plans for him and Doug in March/April.
I've picked dates for his season Royal's tickets, including Cinco de Mayo. I literally got handed a calendar and told to pick what games I wanted.
He's claimed that Sara was the rebound girl (from Baby Mama #2) and that I was just perfect.
Oh, and for the record (according to him) - Sara's crazy. She's trying to screw him over at work. She's messing up all his billing and he's trying to put together a case to get her fired. Needless to say, Sara is a non-issue in his world (one would think).
He tells me that Sara is immature and crazy and I've got a great head on my shoulders and I work hard and I'm such a great girl, etc. I might point out that information is volunteered - I never asked about any of these things!
He used to call my phone and ask if he was talking the coolest chick in the world.
He told Doug and Carrie and Mike how great he thought I was. Hell, he told Shan and Cherie how much he liked me.
I must say - guy worked hard. He won over a lot of people.
So, the disapperance. Nothing for three days. Tells me there's a lot going out with both kids and both baby mamas and fixing his car that he wrecked and he's just overwhelmed and I'm wayyy to good of a girl to wait around for anyone.Cool, I'm good with that. But, you have my Britney CD and I want it back. He comes to my house, we talked, it's unproductive. But Sara calls, twice, while he's there. I don't think about it - I go to Omaha with the kids, don't hear from him, everything is good. I decide to go on my hiatus....everything is headed in the right direction.
Until Monday - when he calls and tells me he has a Bud Light with my name on it. Sadly, I'm lured by beer and a bad day and go over there. He's drunk (as usual) and apologizes for everything. He misses me. He's sorry. He's overwhelmed. He doesn't know what to do. Blah, blah, blah. I go to put his cell phone on the charger for him and notice he has a missed call, from Sara. I ask him about it - he swears he's not into her. Rye, she likes me. I can't help it. I work with her, I have to be careful how I handle all of this. She just calls sometimes when she's out with her friends. I mean, you knew we hung out, Rye. When I first moved here, I didn't have any friends and she and I hung out. Blah, blah, blah.
The rest of the week is uneventful, we go to lunch on Friday. We talk about things, sober. Nothing resolved again, he avoids eye contact, can't have a conversation without making a smart ass comment. However, the Sara story is the same. I figure at this point that things are fine. Not good, but they're fine. He stops by my office that afternoon with coffee. He calls while I'm on my way to the movies with my girlfriends, tries to get me to meet him for a drink. I say no, don't hear from him until Saturday morning. I have plans to go to Power and Light with my friends, and have invited Jamie, Doug, and Carrie. They meet us my house, we all go out - things are good. I'm on the phone with one of Jamie's co-workers telling him where we are, phone beeps, sure enough, text from Sara. Same story from Jamie. Sunday morning, Jamie's phone rings at 8:30a....guess who? Sara. At this point, I'm like really, no woman calls this often unprovoked. Jamie sticks to his story. We run errands, everything is cool, we go see his new condo, go to lunch, he asks me to spend the day with him. I say no, I'm going to take a nap I'll call you later. I call, no answer, don't hear from him.
At this point, I'm done. I fire off an email on Monday morning - listen, you're a good guy, I enjoy you - but I'm not 18 anymore and I will not be part of a situation like this. If you want to be a big boy and be honest - we're cool, otherwise, I want no part of it. I hear nothing back. Tuesday - I get a text, meet me and my boss for beers (I said no). He says he didn't get email, I resend, I don't hear from him. Things are quiet for a few days - I think it's a done deal and I'm completely cool with it- until I get an email from Sara on Friday afternoon.
Oh yes, in my work email on Friday afternoon, with a simple subject line that says "hello." I'll give Sara total credit for this one. The email was direct, it wasn't bitchy, and it was simply a girl trying to figure out why the guy she's dating is getting emails from me. Like I said, Jamie drinks a lot, and has a terrible habit of leaving his email open - both work and personal. She finds all of my emails and a few others that I won't even get into. Her email to me says that she didn't know I existed until a couple of days ago, that he told her I was just some girl, he didn't know me that well, we only hung out when we were drunk, and that I was the one into him. Basically, I'm a non-issue is what's he told her. Clearly - the emails prove otherwise.
Needless to say, email wasn't the forum to be honest with her - so I told her to call me. And to be quite honest, she's a cool chick. I told her everything - from soup to nuts. The entire story from the day I met this guy on December 18th. What we did, where we went, when I met his friends, and all of the super sweet things he used to say and do.
Here's the deal. Dude lied from GO. Everything - from the minute I told him my name was somehow laced with a lie. He told me that he and Sara were done around Thanksgiving. Lie. He told me they didn't talk or hang out anymore. Lie. He's paying child support for his kids. Lie.
The night of the Super Bowl party - he's calling her from outside. The night we watched movies when I got back from Eureka - he wasn't working - he was picking Sara up from the airport from the vacation HE PAID FOR! There are literally days that she and I probably missed each other by 20 minutes. We're both (Sara and I) amazed by all of this. I mean he snowed all of us. Sara (poor girl works with him!), myself, Cherie, Shannon, his friends. Everyone.
Beautiful thing about all of this - is even though he's caught, red handed, with evidence. He proceeds to lie. He tells Sara I'm making it all up. Everything. She's got emails with proof - and he's still lying. Better yet - after she confronts him, she leaves, he's calling me 10 minutes later to apologize. That's right - he's sorry and will I come meet him for a drink. Cause he clearly needs another one.
Whew, writing this was exhausting. I can imagine how it feels reading it. And I know what an ass I am for even getting involved past the disappearance. What's the saying? Live and Learn?!
But, yes, this is entirely a true story. This is my life. It's comical really. To be quite honest, it's Sara, Doug, Carrie, and Mike I worry about. They all had a lot more invested than I did - they've known him a lot longer! And they can't get rid of him - they work together (except Carrie). They have to deal with this drama everyday. Lucky me - I get to walk away. With a killer story. And hopefully new friends. I'd like to think that Sara and I will grab drinks together some day. Like I said, she's a cool chick. And Doug and Carrie - the coolest people you'll ever meet. Hearts of Gold. And Mike, Mike loves Jamie and he'll defend him to the death - but I'm hoping we can still chat when he comes to KC.
Good night friends....
love love love
Monday, February 16, 2009
The Playlist
This was my horoscope today. I thought it was PERFECT for what my goals are right now!! I'm a huge horoscope junkie. I read at least 4 of them a day and pick the one that makes the most sense. I thought I'd share:
You are on a roll today, or at least you are warming up and getting ready for something big. You can feel it coming, even if you are still holding yourself back. Don't focus any attention on your worries or fears. You are what you think, so look forward to the amazing chance in front of you. Tying up any last loose ends from your past is smart because you really don't want anything to get in the way of your future.
And.....because I believe that music is the key to the world - I'm making a play list. Every significant event in my life has a song that coincides with it for me. In honor of the next few weeks, I've created a playlist that will forever make me think of My Hiatus! Call it what you'd like, but for me - it's the Single Girls playlist. It should be on a CD in your car, on your MP3 player, and everywhere else you may need it to make you dance around like a retard by yourself and remember that you're fabulous!
The All-American Rejects - Gives you Hell
Katy Perry - Hot N Cold
Beyonce - Single Ladies
Britney Spears - Womanizer
Liz Phair - Extraordinary
Liz Phair - Why Can't I?
Taylor Swift - White Horse
Kellie Pickler - Red High Heels
Carrie Underwood - The More Boys I Meet
Carrie Underwood - Last Name
Pink - So What
John Legend - Green Light
Britney Spears - Radar
T.I - Whatever you Like
Zac Brown Band - Chicken Fried
Lady GaGa - Just Dance
Jesse McCartney - Leavin'
Ting Tings - That's Not My Name
Christina Aguilera - Keeps Gettin' Better
Gnarls Barkley - Crazy
Danity Kane - Damaged
Beyonce - Diva
Lee Ann Womack - Last Call
Jason Aldean - She's Country
Joey and Rory - Cheater Cheater
Sugarland - All I Want to Do
I'm sure this is JUST the beginning. I'll add to it as I come across the songs I know I forgot.
Enjoy
xoxo
rye
You are on a roll today, or at least you are warming up and getting ready for something big. You can feel it coming, even if you are still holding yourself back. Don't focus any attention on your worries or fears. You are what you think, so look forward to the amazing chance in front of you. Tying up any last loose ends from your past is smart because you really don't want anything to get in the way of your future.
And.....because I believe that music is the key to the world - I'm making a play list. Every significant event in my life has a song that coincides with it for me. In honor of the next few weeks, I've created a playlist that will forever make me think of My Hiatus! Call it what you'd like, but for me - it's the Single Girls playlist. It should be on a CD in your car, on your MP3 player, and everywhere else you may need it to make you dance around like a retard by yourself and remember that you're fabulous!
The All-American Rejects - Gives you Hell
Katy Perry - Hot N Cold
Beyonce - Single Ladies
Britney Spears - Womanizer
Liz Phair - Extraordinary
Liz Phair - Why Can't I?
Taylor Swift - White Horse
Kellie Pickler - Red High Heels
Carrie Underwood - The More Boys I Meet
Carrie Underwood - Last Name
Pink - So What
John Legend - Green Light
Britney Spears - Radar
T.I - Whatever you Like
Zac Brown Band - Chicken Fried
Lady GaGa - Just Dance
Jesse McCartney - Leavin'
Ting Tings - That's Not My Name
Christina Aguilera - Keeps Gettin' Better
Gnarls Barkley - Crazy
Danity Kane - Damaged
Beyonce - Diva
Lee Ann Womack - Last Call
Jason Aldean - She's Country
Joey and Rory - Cheater Cheater
Sugarland - All I Want to Do
I'm sure this is JUST the beginning. I'll add to it as I come across the songs I know I forgot.
Enjoy
xoxo
rye
Sunday, February 15, 2009
My Hiatus!
Hi friends!
So it's been a crazy, crazy year or so. Leaving Orlando, moving to Kansas City, tons and tons of volleyball, going back to school next month, and overall just adjusting - I can't believe how insane it's all been.
Most of it's been good, but I've certainly had my....lows, if you will. Sadly, most of these "lows" have been related to men in some way shape or form. I'm not proud of it - but it's true. In honor of Valentine's Day, I've decided to take a bit of a hiatus - from men.
I really should've done this quite some time ago (like when Joe and I broke up), but I'm thinking better late than never! Right?!?
The whole thought process relates right back into my rockstar status. I told you all - I'm back. And I think this is the way to get there!!
I'm sure my friend Cherie believes that I can't do this, but I feel like it's absolutely necessary to move forward in a positive fashion. I think that one of the most important things to living a good life is being happy in your own skin. I think it's about being perfectly okay with being alone. And by alone, I mean alone. No dating, no making out with strangers, no crazy text relationships. Alone.
I originally thought 90 days was a good hiatus, but then decided that was a bit long!! To kick it all off, I'm going for 30 days...and we'll go from there. The official start date is February 14th, 2009. 30 days brings us to March 15th - just in time for St. Patty's Day. Seems appropriate since this is my FAV holiday!
I remember the beginning days in Orlando when life was all about having fun, figuring myself out, and doing as many new things as humanly possible. And I loved every minute of it. My goal is to get back there. I want the biggest worry in my life to be when my next volleyball practice is, the next day I play, and the next time I'm going for cocktails with friends.
I also decided to make a list of all the things I want to do over the next few months. It's a ridiculous list, but I plan on making it through it...before football season!
I'm sure I'll blog about updates on the hiatus and how things are going...so check back often!
And, for fun - here's the list of things to do! Feel free to join me if you'd like.
Bloom Fest - I think it's May 31st.
Crawl for Cancer - May 14 or 16th or something like that!
Eureka Springs - April 25
Float Trip - June or July ladies?
Branson - this one is up to Cherie
Lake of the Ozarks - anyone have any party cove hook ups?!
Lake Pom - yes Matty - I'll be calling you to set this one up
Royals Games - I have to look at a calendar, but I'd LOVE to do opening weekend. Not sure if the kiddos play....
T Bones - we had a blast at T Bones games last year. Plan on doing quite a few this year!
Free concerts - I'm hoping Power and Light are doing their free concert series again. I only made it to one out there last year - but we had so much fun!
The Old Chicago Beer Tour - we can start this ASAP. I'm open for volunteers!
Tons of volleyball - I have to see how much time school takes up - but I'm hoping to be able to play one or two nights this summer.
So it's been a crazy, crazy year or so. Leaving Orlando, moving to Kansas City, tons and tons of volleyball, going back to school next month, and overall just adjusting - I can't believe how insane it's all been.
Most of it's been good, but I've certainly had my....lows, if you will. Sadly, most of these "lows" have been related to men in some way shape or form. I'm not proud of it - but it's true. In honor of Valentine's Day, I've decided to take a bit of a hiatus - from men.
I really should've done this quite some time ago (like when Joe and I broke up), but I'm thinking better late than never! Right?!?
The whole thought process relates right back into my rockstar status. I told you all - I'm back. And I think this is the way to get there!!
I'm sure my friend Cherie believes that I can't do this, but I feel like it's absolutely necessary to move forward in a positive fashion. I think that one of the most important things to living a good life is being happy in your own skin. I think it's about being perfectly okay with being alone. And by alone, I mean alone. No dating, no making out with strangers, no crazy text relationships. Alone.
I originally thought 90 days was a good hiatus, but then decided that was a bit long!! To kick it all off, I'm going for 30 days...and we'll go from there. The official start date is February 14th, 2009. 30 days brings us to March 15th - just in time for St. Patty's Day. Seems appropriate since this is my FAV holiday!
I remember the beginning days in Orlando when life was all about having fun, figuring myself out, and doing as many new things as humanly possible. And I loved every minute of it. My goal is to get back there. I want the biggest worry in my life to be when my next volleyball practice is, the next day I play, and the next time I'm going for cocktails with friends.
I also decided to make a list of all the things I want to do over the next few months. It's a ridiculous list, but I plan on making it through it...before football season!
I'm sure I'll blog about updates on the hiatus and how things are going...so check back often!
And, for fun - here's the list of things to do! Feel free to join me if you'd like.
Bloom Fest - I think it's May 31st.
Crawl for Cancer - May 14 or 16th or something like that!
Eureka Springs - April 25
Float Trip - June or July ladies?
Branson - this one is up to Cherie
Lake of the Ozarks - anyone have any party cove hook ups?!
Lake Pom - yes Matty - I'll be calling you to set this one up
Royals Games - I have to look at a calendar, but I'd LOVE to do opening weekend. Not sure if the kiddos play....
T Bones - we had a blast at T Bones games last year. Plan on doing quite a few this year!
Free concerts - I'm hoping Power and Light are doing their free concert series again. I only made it to one out there last year - but we had so much fun!
The Old Chicago Beer Tour - we can start this ASAP. I'm open for volunteers!
Tons of volleyball - I have to see how much time school takes up - but I'm hoping to be able to play one or two nights this summer.
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
He's just not that into you....
With all of the excitement about the movie coming out, I was forced to go out and purchase the book....again! I must say I've read this book probably 4 or 5 times throughout my 20s....yes, I know it's excessive, but sometimes I need a reminder! Mind you I've dated EVERY guy that book describes...
Either way, this most recent time probably resonates the most. It's so funny the excuses we make for people, male and female alike. I don't know if it's the innate need to see the best in people, rose colored glasses, or just plain stupidity - but wow, we let people off the hook for a lot of stuff!
My best friend Cherie thinks I need to stop reading self help books. Personally, I love them. And I try to apply them to my life as much as possible (I think this is why she wants me to stop!). But the truth is, the most recent read of "He's Just Not That Into You!" was probably my favorite.
I'm far enough post break up to see that he REALLY wasn't that into me at all and finally feeling okay about dating again, to see that men will say just about anything to win you over. Until they do win you over....then they're just not that into you....Really, I needed a book to see all of this?! I'm a mess, I know.
I spent this past weekend with 5 of my girlfriends - most of whom I've been close with for a very long time. Talk about a sad, sad group of girls. Between the 6 of us, we could cover any and every dating/marriage nightmare possible. So much so that it's almost comical. Almost....
But dealing with this weekend and reading this book made me wonder how such strong, beautiful, funny women wound up in these situations. This takes me back to a conversation my girlfriend Julie and I used to have all of the time (pre her fanstastic boyfriend that she's madly in love with!!!) where we always came to the conclusion that we just liked the attention.
Do we settle for mediocre because we like the attention? Do we really buy the excuses because we like the attention? Do we really make excuses because we like the attention?!?!! Seriously?
Truth be told, I don't know the answer to this question right now. Those of you that know me know that I write when I get frustrated. So help me out here friends, how do we as beautiful, talented, wonderful women settle for men that just aren't that into us?! Or worse yet, try to figure out why? (because the answer is very clearly, they're just dumb :)
xoxo
rye
Either way, this most recent time probably resonates the most. It's so funny the excuses we make for people, male and female alike. I don't know if it's the innate need to see the best in people, rose colored glasses, or just plain stupidity - but wow, we let people off the hook for a lot of stuff!
My best friend Cherie thinks I need to stop reading self help books. Personally, I love them. And I try to apply them to my life as much as possible (I think this is why she wants me to stop!). But the truth is, the most recent read of "He's Just Not That Into You!" was probably my favorite.
I'm far enough post break up to see that he REALLY wasn't that into me at all and finally feeling okay about dating again, to see that men will say just about anything to win you over. Until they do win you over....then they're just not that into you....Really, I needed a book to see all of this?! I'm a mess, I know.
I spent this past weekend with 5 of my girlfriends - most of whom I've been close with for a very long time. Talk about a sad, sad group of girls. Between the 6 of us, we could cover any and every dating/marriage nightmare possible. So much so that it's almost comical. Almost....
But dealing with this weekend and reading this book made me wonder how such strong, beautiful, funny women wound up in these situations. This takes me back to a conversation my girlfriend Julie and I used to have all of the time (pre her fanstastic boyfriend that she's madly in love with!!!) where we always came to the conclusion that we just liked the attention.
Do we settle for mediocre because we like the attention? Do we really buy the excuses because we like the attention? Do we really make excuses because we like the attention?!?!! Seriously?
Truth be told, I don't know the answer to this question right now. Those of you that know me know that I write when I get frustrated. So help me out here friends, how do we as beautiful, talented, wonderful women settle for men that just aren't that into us?! Or worse yet, try to figure out why? (because the answer is very clearly, they're just dumb :)
xoxo
rye
Monday, January 26, 2009
You used to be a rockstar....
I won't lie, life has been rough lately. I haven't been myself. I've been frustrated, stressed out, and a little lost. Okay, maybe a lot lost... I thought it was normal. Post-move, post break-up...people are supposed to feel a little out of whack, right?
Wrong....
A friend of mine....one I'm not terribly close to and haven't done a good job of keeping in touch with messaged me randomly (via Facebook, no less!) the other day and made me look at things like I should've been looking at them over the last 9 months.
I won't take you through the whole convo, but what he said was crystal clear. "You used to be a rockstar." Wow. I didn't know what to say to that. Of course, my first reaction was, are you kidding me? I'm still a rockstar. But then I realized that he was right. I did used to be a rockstar. And my rockstar status has been dwindling...fast.
I can blame it on whatever I want. Work being stressful. The weather being shitty. Missing Orlando. It doesn't matter. Truth is, I've let a lot of "stuff" get in the way of being me. Well, kids, watch out - I'm back. For real this time.
It doesn't matter where I live. It doesn't matter what happens. I am still the same crazy, hard working, fun loving, independent, stubborn person I was before. Just a different zip code and a winter wardrobe. I really don't know how I lost sight of that to be quite honest with you.
It's such a simple realization. And it was a simple statement. "You used to be a rockstar." That's exactly what he said.
And what's really sad about all of this is equally as simple. The rockstar behavior hasn't gone away. I haven't stopped doing the things I love. I haven't stopped going out and being myself and having a blast. I simply stopped acting like I rockstar. I started worrying about stupid shit. I started thinking about things I couldn't control. And I got stuck inside my own damn head.
So - thank you friend. For pointing out the obvious. And for making me realize - that I am a rockstar. And it's about damn time I started acting like one.
And for my fantastic rockstar friends, and for the ones that were there for me when I wasn't up to par, thank you for being a part of my life. I have realized lately that I am one of the luckiest girls in the world. I have great friends, an amazing family, and a life I am proud of.
Cheers
xoxo
rye
Wrong....
A friend of mine....one I'm not terribly close to and haven't done a good job of keeping in touch with messaged me randomly (via Facebook, no less!) the other day and made me look at things like I should've been looking at them over the last 9 months.
I won't take you through the whole convo, but what he said was crystal clear. "You used to be a rockstar." Wow. I didn't know what to say to that. Of course, my first reaction was, are you kidding me? I'm still a rockstar. But then I realized that he was right. I did used to be a rockstar. And my rockstar status has been dwindling...fast.
I can blame it on whatever I want. Work being stressful. The weather being shitty. Missing Orlando. It doesn't matter. Truth is, I've let a lot of "stuff" get in the way of being me. Well, kids, watch out - I'm back. For real this time.
It doesn't matter where I live. It doesn't matter what happens. I am still the same crazy, hard working, fun loving, independent, stubborn person I was before. Just a different zip code and a winter wardrobe. I really don't know how I lost sight of that to be quite honest with you.
It's such a simple realization. And it was a simple statement. "You used to be a rockstar." That's exactly what he said.
And what's really sad about all of this is equally as simple. The rockstar behavior hasn't gone away. I haven't stopped doing the things I love. I haven't stopped going out and being myself and having a blast. I simply stopped acting like I rockstar. I started worrying about stupid shit. I started thinking about things I couldn't control. And I got stuck inside my own damn head.
So - thank you friend. For pointing out the obvious. And for making me realize - that I am a rockstar. And it's about damn time I started acting like one.
And for my fantastic rockstar friends, and for the ones that were there for me when I wasn't up to par, thank you for being a part of my life. I have realized lately that I am one of the luckiest girls in the world. I have great friends, an amazing family, and a life I am proud of.
Cheers
xoxo
rye
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