This is one of those weeks where I want nothing more but to be in Orlando @ the Park Central pool (with CJ in town from Philly) - pre everyone moving away. It's amazing how many problems and issues we solved together and there are some days where I'm convinced if we could all just get together - y'all could help me solve my problems or at least offer some sound advice on how to handle a few key situations.
Back in those days all of our problems were one way or another related to men or work....funny how some things never change! But, the situation I'm in currently is a bit different this time around. Rather than wondering why I had such horrible taste in men at that point in my life, I'm wondering what to do with the wonderful one I have now.
I remember Kelley once saying that becoming a 'we' was one of the hardest things she'd ever done. My first thought was 'seriously, is is that hard??!' and my second thought was 'ew, why would you want to do that anyway?' But here I am a few short years later completely understanding where my friend Kelley was coming from. Bringing someone new into your life truly changes your decision making process in some parts of your life.
For example, I never had to think about anyone else's schedule when figuring out my week. I'm learning now, that if I don't take his schedule into consideration when planning mine, I'll never see him. I NEVER ever thought to check with someone else before making plans. Just this week, I wanted to make dinner plans for 'us' (which is weird in and of itself) but felt the need to confirm that making those plans was okay with his plan. It sounds simple enough, but it's becoming quite the juggling act. I must say though, I truly commend those of you with children - I can only imagine how scheduling and planning works in your house.
So those are the easy parts of being a 'we.' It's not that big of a deal to pair up a schedule. It's not that hard to make sure the other person hasn't made plans before you make plans for the two of you. What I'm finding really, really hard these days is finding a balance as it relates to friendship.
I think it goes without saying that I've never been tasked with trying to figure out how to do the whole 'couple' friends thing or 'his friends' versus 'my friends' - and of course - don't forget 'our friends.' Who knew it could be such a challenge to keep it all straight - and still maintain some kind of individuality.
And to make a complicated situation completely crazy - let's trying disagreeing about friends. What do you do when you both have different opinions about people? What do you do when you're in a situation that regardless of who makes the call - you run the risk of making a semi-permanent change in the other persons' life (as it relates to the people in it)?
Believe me, I've looked at this up, down, and sideways and haven't found a solution I'm happy with. I can tell you exactly how I would handle it a situation if it was just me, if I were the only person that had to deal with the consequences. But, I can't, in good judgement, make that decision for two people. I know that somewhere out there a compromise does exist. And that there is an appopriate way to handle situations like this....but I feel as if perhaps I'm a bit too 'in the middle' of this situation to see anything other than what I want to see.
So, to my lovely friends, how do you become a 'we'? How do you learn to make decisions in the best interest of both people in mind - particularly when you disagree?
And all this time, I thought FINDING a good guy was the hard part....
In the meantime, I may spend some time today daydreaming about coolers full of beer, excessive amounts of sunscreen and tanning oil, and jamming out to a boom box in my backyard at PC....
xoxo
rye
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
Friday, February 19, 2010
Technology....
I did promise to blog every month, and I’ve struggled to nail down one topic for February’s blog. I’ve been all over the map and had a few different scenarios pop up that I would typically blog about, but didn’t know how to address them without offending anyone. Which stems a different topic – I never remember being offended so easily nor do ever recall some of my friends being so harsh (we'll save that one for another day!). With that being said, I’m going to throw a couple of different ideas for you today, and you all let me know your thoughts on each of them.
Choices
Oh, you all know how much I love this topic. So many people like to point fingers or place blame or feel sorry for themselves or just take an overall attitude of ‘it’s not my fault.’ Well, let me tell you friends – it may or may not be your fault. But the truth is – you have a choice. You have a choice on how you deal with a situation. You have a choice as to whether or not you accept responsibility for a situation or whether you waste the time and energy placing blame somewhere else.
Perhaps this idea has made me a bit….insensitive to some situations going on in my friends lives, but I’ve very much taken the attitude of ‘I’m sorry that you’re having a problem/crisis/situation. I feel terrible for you and I wish I could help. What are doing to fix the problem/crisis/situation so that it doesn’t happen again?’ If the answer is nothing – well then, I’m sorry. Next time, you’re going to have to cry to someone else.
As I’ve said a million times, without really knowing who I am quoting, is ‘the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.’ So the choice is simple – do nothing and complain to someone else. Or, do something, anything, regardless of how effective is – but make a choice that you’re going to make a change. Then, and only then, can you point a finger and say, it’s not my fault. Because you know you’ve made choices and taken steps to change the problem/crisis/situation. And at that point in time, we can crack open a bottle of wine and work through it over and over and over again until we figure it out!
Again, that may sound insensitive and on more than one occasion I’ve had to ask myself ‘does this make me a bad friend?’ But really, at this point in our lives, we all spend so much time pointing fingers and placing blame – without thinking, ‘I have a CHOICE’ as to how to handle this situation. And all we’re doing at the point in the game is perpetuating the cycle.
I warned you, I may offend a few folks today!
Facebook/Twitter/technology
We’ve all talked about the technological world that we live in today, with constant access to the internet and texting and email and twitter and who knows what else! It seems like with all of these ways to communicate that we would be better at it. But, I think it’s actually hindered our ability to communicate effectively. I honestly believe that I’m losing my ability to effectively communicate my feelings face to face, because I have the opportunity to hide behind technology. Being someone that enjoys writing and relieves stress by doing so, sending an email is way easier than actually talking a problem out.
The reason this comes to mind as of late is the two ‘arguments’ I’ve gotten into with friends over the past few weeks – neither of which did we actually exchanged a word.
First of all, Facebook is a SOCIAL networking tool. When I think social, I don’t think work. I don’t think my professional life (have you seen the photos on my fb!?) has anything to do with Facebook. Hit me up on LinkedIn if you’re interested in my profession or if you’d like to share yours with me. So when a friend hits me up on FB for something that has to do with their professional life, well, sorry friends, I’m not apt to follow. I had to stop following/being a fan of Britney Spears because I kept getting ‘notifications’ from her – so I don’t want to notifications from whatever it is you’re selling. If you’d like to sell me something or need my help with your professional life – call me/email me/ hit me up on LinkedIn – again, I’m happy to oblige.
The point (or story) I’m getting to here, is that when a friend continually requested I follow their company via FB and I jokingly said I didn’t want to – I really, really offended that person. Apparently this was ‘very important’ to them and their career, and if I was a good friend – well then, I’d know that! Well, the automated note from FB asking me to follow your company – didn’t scream – THIS IS IMPORTANT TO ME! It said, hey, my work has a FB page – wanna follow? And the answer, is no. I don’t.
Which then stemmed a nasty argument where name calling ensued, and for once, I didn’t start it! And by the end of it all I was angry and offended and hurt – and NOT ONCE did I speak to this person. Thanks technology!
Another, much more minor and completely not as dramatic situation is where a friend chose to share their dislike for something via Twitter, versus calling/emailing/texting me directly….in which case said friend was a little upset that I didn’t take her seriously. And by the time she reached out to me directly and expressed her (not joking!) opinion – well, I was already annoyed that she didn’t talk to me directly about it in the first place, and was less than sympathetic. Thanks again technology!
Two completely avoidable situations with something as simple as an ACTUAL conversation could’ve eliminated both problems. I suppose what I’m trying to say is that though technology is fabulous and it’s great to have everything you need at your fingertips is that when it comes to something that’s really important to you – perhaps that’s a CONVERSATION to be had.
Sorry friends, if I’ve offended you in either one of these topics. Please, feel free to share your thoughts and opinions, as you know I always love hearing them.
And, remember, you have a CHOICE as how you let someone else’s thoughts and words effect your day. (Wow, that sounded like a line out of a reallllyyyy bad self-help book.)
Love you guys.
Happy Friday!
Xoxo
rye
Choices
Oh, you all know how much I love this topic. So many people like to point fingers or place blame or feel sorry for themselves or just take an overall attitude of ‘it’s not my fault.’ Well, let me tell you friends – it may or may not be your fault. But the truth is – you have a choice. You have a choice on how you deal with a situation. You have a choice as to whether or not you accept responsibility for a situation or whether you waste the time and energy placing blame somewhere else.
Perhaps this idea has made me a bit….insensitive to some situations going on in my friends lives, but I’ve very much taken the attitude of ‘I’m sorry that you’re having a problem/crisis/situation. I feel terrible for you and I wish I could help. What are doing to fix the problem/crisis/situation so that it doesn’t happen again?’ If the answer is nothing – well then, I’m sorry. Next time, you’re going to have to cry to someone else.
As I’ve said a million times, without really knowing who I am quoting, is ‘the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.’ So the choice is simple – do nothing and complain to someone else. Or, do something, anything, regardless of how effective is – but make a choice that you’re going to make a change. Then, and only then, can you point a finger and say, it’s not my fault. Because you know you’ve made choices and taken steps to change the problem/crisis/situation. And at that point in time, we can crack open a bottle of wine and work through it over and over and over again until we figure it out!
Again, that may sound insensitive and on more than one occasion I’ve had to ask myself ‘does this make me a bad friend?’ But really, at this point in our lives, we all spend so much time pointing fingers and placing blame – without thinking, ‘I have a CHOICE’ as to how to handle this situation. And all we’re doing at the point in the game is perpetuating the cycle.
I warned you, I may offend a few folks today!
Facebook/Twitter/technology
We’ve all talked about the technological world that we live in today, with constant access to the internet and texting and email and twitter and who knows what else! It seems like with all of these ways to communicate that we would be better at it. But, I think it’s actually hindered our ability to communicate effectively. I honestly believe that I’m losing my ability to effectively communicate my feelings face to face, because I have the opportunity to hide behind technology. Being someone that enjoys writing and relieves stress by doing so, sending an email is way easier than actually talking a problem out.
The reason this comes to mind as of late is the two ‘arguments’ I’ve gotten into with friends over the past few weeks – neither of which did we actually exchanged a word.
First of all, Facebook is a SOCIAL networking tool. When I think social, I don’t think work. I don’t think my professional life (have you seen the photos on my fb!?) has anything to do with Facebook. Hit me up on LinkedIn if you’re interested in my profession or if you’d like to share yours with me. So when a friend hits me up on FB for something that has to do with their professional life, well, sorry friends, I’m not apt to follow. I had to stop following/being a fan of Britney Spears because I kept getting ‘notifications’ from her – so I don’t want to notifications from whatever it is you’re selling. If you’d like to sell me something or need my help with your professional life – call me/email me/ hit me up on LinkedIn – again, I’m happy to oblige.
The point (or story) I’m getting to here, is that when a friend continually requested I follow their company via FB and I jokingly said I didn’t want to – I really, really offended that person. Apparently this was ‘very important’ to them and their career, and if I was a good friend – well then, I’d know that! Well, the automated note from FB asking me to follow your company – didn’t scream – THIS IS IMPORTANT TO ME! It said, hey, my work has a FB page – wanna follow? And the answer, is no. I don’t.
Which then stemmed a nasty argument where name calling ensued, and for once, I didn’t start it! And by the end of it all I was angry and offended and hurt – and NOT ONCE did I speak to this person. Thanks technology!
Another, much more minor and completely not as dramatic situation is where a friend chose to share their dislike for something via Twitter, versus calling/emailing/texting me directly….in which case said friend was a little upset that I didn’t take her seriously. And by the time she reached out to me directly and expressed her (not joking!) opinion – well, I was already annoyed that she didn’t talk to me directly about it in the first place, and was less than sympathetic. Thanks again technology!
Two completely avoidable situations with something as simple as an ACTUAL conversation could’ve eliminated both problems. I suppose what I’m trying to say is that though technology is fabulous and it’s great to have everything you need at your fingertips is that when it comes to something that’s really important to you – perhaps that’s a CONVERSATION to be had.
Sorry friends, if I’ve offended you in either one of these topics. Please, feel free to share your thoughts and opinions, as you know I always love hearing them.
And, remember, you have a CHOICE as how you let someone else’s thoughts and words effect your day. (Wow, that sounded like a line out of a reallllyyyy bad self-help book.)
Love you guys.
Happy Friday!
Xoxo
rye
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
Reset
I hope you will be pleased to hear that one of my many goals for 2010 is to blog monthly. It’s too easy to let schedules and life and everything else get in the way, but it’s something I enjoy doing and from most of your feedback, I believe you like reading.
I often blog when I’m frustrated or things aren’t going well, so I believe it’s safe to say that the past few months have been good. To quickly catch you all up, I got a new job. I am currently working for a company called Administaff. I am a Business Consultant working with small and medium sized businesses to help alleviate the HR stress in their business and allow them to focus on what’s important, which is ultimately growing their business. It’s still very new and I often have days where I have no idea what I’m doing – but it’s a great move for me personally and professionally and I’m excited about the opportunity.
Michelle and I have decided to take on the challenge of a 12 and under national level volleyball team. The practice schedule is a bit more intense, and we’ll do a little bit more traveling than last year with our goal being JO Nationals in Reno, but they kiddos are awesome and we’re having fun watching them get better.
I’m still whining, kicking, and screaming my way through my MBA with a mere 14 months left!! This whole accounting, finance, math stuff is way out of my experience level, but I’m working on it, and doing okay!
I have also decided to add running a half marathon on April 10, 2010 to my crazy list of ‘to-do’s’. I will start my 12 week training program on January 18th, committing to 6 days a week of training and trying like hell to fit it into my volleyball schedule. I’m super nervous about it, but you all know I love a challenge!
Oh, and I met a guy. He’s pretty awesome.
But, to get to the good stuff – the reason I blog – let’s talk about life :)
I love the New Year. It’s like hitting the reset button, regardless of what’s going on in your world. For most people, its full of false resolutions and promises to lose weight and save money and be a better person. I have to say, I’ve been guilty of that many, many times. And am proud to say that as crappy at 2009 was, looking back at the goals I wrote down in January of last year – I think I have to admit that the year was better than I thought. Other than the massive dive the economy took, I stayed committed to my goals to be healthier, workout more, make new friends, expand my interests, and overall build a life for myself in Kansas City without the thought of, ‘in Orlando we used to do this….’
I hope a year from now I can look back and say the same thing about 2010. I have to admit that right now, life is pretty good. I’m sitting in my apartment in my big red fluffy robe, cuddling with Pepper, and watching bad movies while doing a great job of procrastinating my accounting homework with a raging winter storm outside. When I think about where I was a year ago and the decisions I’ve made over the last 12 months in regards to my career, my friendships and personal relationships, the great people I’ve met, the new things I’ve learned, both in school and in life, I can only look forward to 2010 with the greatest optimism.
I hope when you all reflect on 2009 and plan/prepare for 2010 that you find the positives, focus on the good things in your life, and commit yourself to making everyday better. I know it sounds super cheesy, but after fighting it for many, many years – I must admit, I am cheesy. I love the idea of pushing that reset button and feeling like the sky is the limit. Because for the beautiful people in my life, it is.
love, love, love
rye
I often blog when I’m frustrated or things aren’t going well, so I believe it’s safe to say that the past few months have been good. To quickly catch you all up, I got a new job. I am currently working for a company called Administaff. I am a Business Consultant working with small and medium sized businesses to help alleviate the HR stress in their business and allow them to focus on what’s important, which is ultimately growing their business. It’s still very new and I often have days where I have no idea what I’m doing – but it’s a great move for me personally and professionally and I’m excited about the opportunity.
Michelle and I have decided to take on the challenge of a 12 and under national level volleyball team. The practice schedule is a bit more intense, and we’ll do a little bit more traveling than last year with our goal being JO Nationals in Reno, but they kiddos are awesome and we’re having fun watching them get better.
I’m still whining, kicking, and screaming my way through my MBA with a mere 14 months left!! This whole accounting, finance, math stuff is way out of my experience level, but I’m working on it, and doing okay!
I have also decided to add running a half marathon on April 10, 2010 to my crazy list of ‘to-do’s’. I will start my 12 week training program on January 18th, committing to 6 days a week of training and trying like hell to fit it into my volleyball schedule. I’m super nervous about it, but you all know I love a challenge!
Oh, and I met a guy. He’s pretty awesome.
But, to get to the good stuff – the reason I blog – let’s talk about life :)
I love the New Year. It’s like hitting the reset button, regardless of what’s going on in your world. For most people, its full of false resolutions and promises to lose weight and save money and be a better person. I have to say, I’ve been guilty of that many, many times. And am proud to say that as crappy at 2009 was, looking back at the goals I wrote down in January of last year – I think I have to admit that the year was better than I thought. Other than the massive dive the economy took, I stayed committed to my goals to be healthier, workout more, make new friends, expand my interests, and overall build a life for myself in Kansas City without the thought of, ‘in Orlando we used to do this….’
I hope a year from now I can look back and say the same thing about 2010. I have to admit that right now, life is pretty good. I’m sitting in my apartment in my big red fluffy robe, cuddling with Pepper, and watching bad movies while doing a great job of procrastinating my accounting homework with a raging winter storm outside. When I think about where I was a year ago and the decisions I’ve made over the last 12 months in regards to my career, my friendships and personal relationships, the great people I’ve met, the new things I’ve learned, both in school and in life, I can only look forward to 2010 with the greatest optimism.
I hope when you all reflect on 2009 and plan/prepare for 2010 that you find the positives, focus on the good things in your life, and commit yourself to making everyday better. I know it sounds super cheesy, but after fighting it for many, many years – I must admit, I am cheesy. I love the idea of pushing that reset button and feeling like the sky is the limit. Because for the beautiful people in my life, it is.
love, love, love
rye
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)