Don't date THIS guy....

I was unsure as to whether or not to share this story. First of all, because it's mildly embarassing and second of all, I can't believe it really happened. But, entertainment and shock value win. Grab some popcorn - this one's good!!

Needless to say - the hiatus didn't go as planned. Less than 24 hours after I made my decision to do this a certain guy decided to reappear. Me, being the idiot I am, didn't tell him to go away. So the next two weeks were crazy, dramatic, and ended with a bang!!!

Let's start at the beginning of meeting this guy. Let's call him....Jamie. That's a good name for him ;). I met him in a bar while crying over the breakup. I was out with friends trying to avoid sitting at home. Crying in your beer with friends is always better. Red flag number one, guy was hammered. But, he was from Tampa, he drove a BMW, and he bought my drinks. I gave him my number with NO expectation of hearing from him. The next day, around 9:30am as I'm sitting at my desk you can imagine my surprise to get a text from this Jamie character.

This is all pre-Christmas. He tries to make plans - but I'm not in any shape to go on a date, be charming or funny and impress someone. We must admire Jamie's persistence in all of this. He texted everyday. How are you? What's up? What do you for fun? Where are you from? Blah, blah, blah. Oh, red flag number two, guy has two kids, with two different women, in two different states. He's going to Tampa to spend Christmas with his mom and his son. But don't you worry friends - I hear from the fabulous Jamie EVERY DAY while he's in Tampa.

He returns pre-NYE but I'm not willing to share my NYE plans with some guy I don't know, so I ignore the constant ....suggestions that we spend it together. Before I get too far into the story I should point out that Jamie has mentioned to me that he used to a date a girl he worked with. Let's call her....Sara. Sara is his office manager at work, everyone warned him not date her, he did it anyway, drama ensued, it was over. I wasn't too worried about it - I wasn't looking for anything serious and I've come to the realization that we all have a past. No biggie...

New Year's Day Jamie wants me to join him at his friends house to watch football. We will call his friends Doug and Carrie. He calls and text messages alllll day. Those of you that know me know that I don't leave the house on New Year's Day. I lay on my couch all day long and love every minute of it. Red flag number three, guy has to call me on his drive home because he's had a little bit too much to drink. Awesome.

I finally agree to go for drinks with him on January 2. We got out, have fun, laugh. He's a TOTAL smart ass - which I love. He's almost as quick witted as I am and he fights with everything I say. I figure this is exactly what I need. Everyone needs a rebound guy - and this dude's perfect for it!

We make plans for the following week, I cancel on him and reschedule for the following weekend. He's got a friend in town (we'll call him Mike), but still wants to meet up. We have beers, have a great time, things are good. We hang out that whole weekend, he finally meets my sister and passes pre-approval. Next step, Cherie.

The next couple of weeks are spent watching movies, hanging out - nothing major. Just having fun. Meanwhile, he's Mr. Wonderful. He calls when he's supposed to, text messages all the time, constantly wants to hang out, just sugar sweet. And I'm loving every minute of it - I won't lie. I can't buy myself a cup of coffee with this guy around, he drives everywhere, and he likes to go do things. It's great.

He meets Cherie - passes her inspection. Totally clicks with her - laughs at her jokes and doesn't take her shit. This is huge in my world. I finally get to meet Doug and Carrie. Absolutely love them. They're funny, they're fun and just great people. This is the night that I decided that Jamie might actually fit into my world. Cherie calls me, crying. I'm at Doug and Carrie's and nowhere near her or my car. I told Jamie she was crying - and his question was - what do you need? I can take you to your car, I can take her to you. Whatever you need. I was impressed. We leave Doug and Carrie's go to the bar to meet alllll of my friends (Cherie was with them). Super fun, he's great with my friends, he loves that I have my own friends and a life here. I finally tell him about the breakup and that I'm not looking for anything serious and that I'm really trying to find my place here in KC. He's awesome about it all. I'm thinking...this is good stuff.

Following weekend is SuperBowl weekend. We go to Doug and Carrie's to plan and make lists of groceries and everything else we need. We get a ton of beer, food, and everything else. This is also the weekend of the infamous Wii Bowling tournament. Sadly, I lost. But it was still a blast. Super Bowl Sunday is great. I have my Cardinals T-Shirt that Jamie bought me. Just a killer weekend. Shan and Cherie are there, Mike's in town - good stuff again.

The whole week he's Mr. Wonderful. He knows I'm going out of town over the weekend with my girlfriends so he comes over to help Cherie and I pack and make Apple Pie. I believe it was that week that he tried to get me to talk to him about not seeing other people. He's drunk (in which case, he doesn't remember). Red flag number four - guy gets black out drunk ALL the time. I promptly blow off any serious questions while he's drunk. Before I go out of town I meet him and his friends for lunch. I get a kiss goodbye, have a good weekend.

I'm telling you, I couldn't turn around without this guy up my ass. Calls, text messages, emails, you name it. At one point, Cherie threatened to take my phone from me. I fell asleep and he called and called until Lish answered the phone. The next morning, 8a - he calls. Hey babe, how was your night. Red flag number five, he got thrown out of the bar the night before and doesn't remember why. All weekend, he's like are you coming over on Sunday? I'm like sure, we're coming home early, I'll come hang out. We made plans for around 6 or so. He calls while I'm at my Mom's and says he's got some work stuff he's gotta do and changes plans to 7:30. I leave his house that evening around 10.....and don't hear from him for 3 days.

Let me include some other background information:
Over the course of the last 6 weeks....

He's tried to give me his free plane ticket so we can go to Florida and see our friends.

He's tried to get me to commit to a trip to Chicago in June.

The race in Daytona in July.

Birthday plans for him and Doug in March/April.

I've picked dates for his season Royal's tickets, including Cinco de Mayo. I literally got handed a calendar and told to pick what games I wanted.

He's claimed that Sara was the rebound girl (from Baby Mama #2) and that I was just perfect.

Oh, and for the record (according to him) - Sara's crazy. She's trying to screw him over at work. She's messing up all his billing and he's trying to put together a case to get her fired. Needless to say, Sara is a non-issue in his world (one would think).

He tells me that Sara is immature and crazy and I've got a great head on my shoulders and I work hard and I'm such a great girl, etc. I might point out that information is volunteered - I never asked about any of these things!

He used to call my phone and ask if he was talking the coolest chick in the world.

He told Doug and Carrie and Mike how great he thought I was. Hell, he told Shan and Cherie how much he liked me.

I must say - guy worked hard. He won over a lot of people.

So, the disapperance. Nothing for three days. Tells me there's a lot going out with both kids and both baby mamas and fixing his car that he wrecked and he's just overwhelmed and I'm wayyy to good of a girl to wait around for anyone.

Cool, I'm good with that. But, you have my Britney CD and I want it back. He comes to my house, we talked, it's unproductive. But Sara calls, twice, while he's there. I don't think about it - I go to Omaha with the kids, don't hear from him, everything is good. I decide to go on my hiatus....everything is headed in the right direction.

Until Monday - when he calls and tells me he has a Bud Light with my name on it. Sadly, I'm lured by beer and a bad day and go over there. He's drunk (as usual) and apologizes for everything. He misses me. He's sorry. He's overwhelmed. He doesn't know what to do. Blah, blah, blah. I go to put his cell phone on the charger for him and notice he has a missed call, from Sara. I ask him about it - he swears he's not into her. Rye, she likes me. I can't help it. I work with her, I have to be careful how I handle all of this. She just calls sometimes when she's out with her friends. I mean, you knew we hung out, Rye. When I first moved here, I didn't have any friends and she and I hung out. Blah, blah, blah.

The rest of the week is uneventful, we go to lunch on Friday. We talk about things, sober. Nothing resolved again, he avoids eye contact, can't have a conversation without making a smart ass comment. However, the Sara story is the same. I figure at this point that things are fine. Not good, but they're fine. He stops by my office that afternoon with coffee. He calls while I'm on my way to the movies with my girlfriends, tries to get me to meet him for a drink. I say no, don't hear from him until Saturday morning. I have plans to go to Power and Light with my friends, and have invited Jamie, Doug, and Carrie. They meet us my house, we all go out - things are good. I'm on the phone with one of Jamie's co-workers telling him where we are, phone beeps, sure enough, text from Sara. Same story from Jamie. Sunday morning, Jamie's phone rings at 8:30a....guess who? Sara. At this point, I'm like really, no woman calls this often unprovoked. Jamie sticks to his story. We run errands, everything is cool, we go see his new condo, go to lunch, he asks me to spend the day with him. I say no, I'm going to take a nap I'll call you later. I call, no answer, don't hear from him.

At this point, I'm done. I fire off an email on Monday morning - listen, you're a good guy, I enjoy you - but I'm not 18 anymore and I will not be part of a situation like this. If you want to be a big boy and be honest - we're cool, otherwise, I want no part of it. I hear nothing back. Tuesday - I get a text, meet me and my boss for beers (I said no). He says he didn't get email, I resend, I don't hear from him. Things are quiet for a few days - I think it's a done deal and I'm completely cool with it- until I get an email from Sara on Friday afternoon.

Oh yes, in my work email on Friday afternoon, with a simple subject line that says "hello." I'll give Sara total credit for this one. The email was direct, it wasn't bitchy, and it was simply a girl trying to figure out why the guy she's dating is getting emails from me. Like I said, Jamie drinks a lot, and has a terrible habit of leaving his email open - both work and personal. She finds all of my emails and a few others that I won't even get into. Her email to me says that she didn't know I existed until a couple of days ago, that he told her I was just some girl, he didn't know me that well, we only hung out when we were drunk, and that I was the one into him. Basically, I'm a non-issue is what's he told her. Clearly - the emails prove otherwise.

Needless to say, email wasn't the forum to be honest with her - so I told her to call me. And to be quite honest, she's a cool chick. I told her everything - from soup to nuts. The entire story from the day I met this guy on December 18th. What we did, where we went, when I met his friends, and all of the super sweet things he used to say and do.

Here's the deal. Dude lied from GO. Everything - from the minute I told him my name was somehow laced with a lie. He told me that he and Sara were done around Thanksgiving. Lie. He told me they didn't talk or hang out anymore. Lie. He's paying child support for his kids. Lie.

The night of the Super Bowl party - he's calling her from outside. The night we watched movies when I got back from Eureka - he wasn't working - he was picking Sara up from the airport from the vacation HE PAID FOR! There are literally days that she and I probably missed each other by 20 minutes. We're both (Sara and I) amazed by all of this. I mean he snowed all of us. Sara (poor girl works with him!), myself, Cherie, Shannon, his friends. Everyone.

Beautiful thing about all of this - is even though he's caught, red handed, with evidence. He proceeds to lie. He tells Sara I'm making it all up. Everything. She's got emails with proof - and he's still lying. Better yet - after she confronts him, she leaves, he's calling me 10 minutes later to apologize. That's right - he's sorry and will I come meet him for a drink. Cause he clearly needs another one.

Whew, writing this was exhausting. I can imagine how it feels reading it. And I know what an ass I am for even getting involved past the disappearance. What's the saying? Live and Learn?!

But, yes, this is entirely a true story. This is my life. It's comical really. To be quite honest, it's Sara, Doug, Carrie, and Mike I worry about. They all had a lot more invested than I did - they've known him a lot longer! And they can't get rid of him - they work together (except Carrie). They have to deal with this drama everyday. Lucky me - I get to walk away. With a killer story. And hopefully new friends. I'd like to think that Sara and I will grab drinks together some day. Like I said, she's a cool chick. And Doug and Carrie - the coolest people you'll ever meet. Hearts of Gold. And Mike, Mike loves Jamie and he'll defend him to the death - but I'm hoping we can still chat when he comes to KC.

Good night friends....

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