Moving forward

You all know me and my moments of clarity. Though they're fleeting - when they happen, it's like poof - clarity. And it feels great.

It's been a very drama-free couple of weeks. As I've shared with some of you, I don't know if it's the weather, the lack of situational bullshit, or being just plain tired of it all - but it's been very good. As I near the 1 year mark in Kansas City, I can't help but be excited about what the future holds.

Here's the deal - I can look back on the long, crazy, painful road I've been down and smile. I know that everything that I've been though has led to me where I am right now. And though I know it won't be easy and painless as I move forward, at least I'm moving forward.

I can finally say, in my heart of hearts, to all of you, that I finally feel like I have some forward momentum. Work is tougher than it's ever been. Repairing a broken heart is one of the hardest thing I've ever done in my life. But when you look at the big picture, I'm 25. I'm only 25 years old. And (God willing) I have so, so much more to accomplish. I have so much more to look forward to in life. But looking back, I have to admit that I was treading water. I was standing still. I was dwelling on the past. And though it's been said that the past made us who we are today, living in it will not make a better future.

I've always had a very clear vision of my future. I've also pictured the life I would lead. And though I'm not sure if the life I once wanted is still the life I want right now, all I know is that I'm building a life. I'm making friends. I'm doing things I would've never done 6 months ago. I'm meeting people. I'm establishing a name for myself in Kansas City. It's an empowering and frightening thing all the same time. I can't completely explain - but I can tell you that I'm ready. I'm ready for the next step. I'm ready to move forward. I'm ready to embrace everything that comes my way. I'm even brave enough to say that I'm ready to face the ridiculously uphill battle that our current economic situation has put us in.

Perhaps it's not total clarity. Perhaps it doesn't make sense to all of you. But, the truth is, this is just the beginning. And I can't wait to see what the future holds. I'm learning that a lot of my blogs have a very similar theme, but as each day presents a new and different challenge, I am forced to reevaluate and look at the current situation. And though this isn't the perfect situation, it's the one I'm in. And it's one I can't control. And learning to let go of the things we can't control (at least for me) is really the hardest part.

I love all of you and couldn't do it without you. Thank you for your belief, support, and love. It's truly what gets me through each day.

love, love, love
rye